Tag Archives: Suit

Lookie Me- All Random ’n Shit

It’s been a week. Again. I haven’t had the time or mental bandwidth to really focus on my art, which is what I like to call this blogging thing. I like to refer to it as art when I’m talking to Mrs. S as a counter to her referencing it as a “waste of time”. See what I did there? Clever eh?

I find my best posts come from conversations I have with myself, sometimes really good conversations. I don’t know of that makes me brilliant or a candidate for anti-psychotic drugs, or maybe both. I had a really good conversation with myself this very morning. What I really need is a third personality in my head, one I’ll call the “note taker”. His or her responsibility – will be to record the conversations so I can write about them later. I’ve forgotten more good material than I’ve ever written by about 10 fold.

So, lezzee-

I’m not buying into this cruise from hell deal. No water in the toilet and no way to recharge your iPad is hell? Titanic was hell. Hitting a rock off Italy and flipping a ship, that’s hell. Drifting off the Yucatan on a boat filled with booze, that’s inconvenient. Matter of fact.. Gawd damn cruise company claims they sell memories, Shee-it. Those folks have memories and cocktail party conversations for the rest of their lives. I vote no refunds. Cruise Company delivered exactly what was promised. Except maybe they weren’t as pampered as they could have been. But hell with ‘um they were stranded in the Caribbean not the gawd damned North Sea!!! They got their sun tans, just had to shit in bag, again, inconvenient.

A meteor exploded with the power of 20 atomic bombs and there is no catastrophe? Really? City of a million people gets hit with a meteor that equals 20 atomic bombs and only 1000 people are injured? I need another liner to my foil hat for space rock protection.

But in the scheme of things…I wonder what that little fellow in North Korea, Kim Jong Douche Waffle is thinking testing an atomic weapon because his country is being ignored. When exactly was the last contribution to humanity made by someone with a Korea and a North on their passport? I can’t come up with anything. But you know I didn’t pay all that close attention to physics back in the day, ’cause I ain’t that smart when it comes to things like math and science, things that “matter”. But I always figured 20 A Bombs hitting a city of a million would do more than injure 1000 people or so. I would have expected double that at least. Shows you what I know. I wonder of the NoKooks are reconsidering as well?

Saw a piece about a dude on a Delta flight slapping a baby sitting next to him? For real? The FBI is involved? It’s Delta, so I have to ask, are we sure he wasn’t trying to slap a stewardess and missed, hitting the kid instead? If you use Occam’s razor I’m say ‘n that’s the most plausible answer.

Flying makes me crabby as hell; Delta makes it exponentially worse thanks to endless nickel and diming. I could see where a guy would be pretty wound up having to be on the airlines being served by a bunch of mean women who are perpetually upset about a union givebacks and a bad vocational choice they made when they were still young and hot. And could travel the world with equally young and hot husbands who 30 years later… look like me. I get it. They’re pissed, they take it on you by giving you a 10 minute dressdown for asking if you could have the whole can of coke.. its’ frustrating for everyone.

However on further review, Delta is off the hook here, fellow is racist douchebag. Good news is I’m pretty sure he’ll never fly again, as the airlines will put him on their “not welcome in any seat” category. That is after he gets out of jail for assault and after he realizes that he can’t afford to fly anymore because he’s going to pay off the civil suit for the rest of his life. Justice is a good thing when applied properly.

You know what they say, Mean people suck. That’s a great axiom I’ve believed in for decades. Right up there with No good deed goes unpunished and No such thing as a free lunch. Something about airplanes brings out the worst in people, yours truly included in that list. Maybe it’s the stress of traveling coupled with being sealed up in a metal tube for hours on end, and when you don’t like people to begin with…

And if you don’t like people not exactly like you…

On the other hand, and I’m not trying to justify that assholes actions, I’m simply going to point out that sitting next to a screaming kid while sealed into that metal tube sucks. Don’t care how nice the family is, how cute the kid is, it sucks. For EVERYONE.

I know I had to sit next to a screamer once a flight from Dallas to San Francisco, kid in the seat next to me literally cried and howled the entire two and a half hour trip. Mrs. S had it worse though, she was holding the thing. Loathe to admit it at the time, I will now tell you that genetically the kid was mine. I may not have even admitted that I was married to the women holding the human bag pipes either, given how loud he was. It was so bad that the other guy in our row was given a free bottle of wine and a 500 mile voucher by the sky waitress right before we landed as a compensation for his trouble.

I felt bad for the guy, for me, for my wife, for our son, not for the sky waitress however she was a bitch and we were not on Delta at that time. He, however, was nice about it; after all there was nothing anyone could do. There were probably some things other people would have wanted to do, but you know, most of them would be illegal and result in FBI investigations.

On the other hand, the nasty old bitch that sat in front of us one time on a flight.. Here’s a good mean people scenario.

Team Sank is on their way to Arizona. As we were settling into our seats my kid kicked the seat in front of him. This nasty broad with an apparent hair trigger when it comes to kids, put down her Isaac Asimov magazine, turned around and said in a bit of growl, “Please keep that
child from kicking my seat”. Obviously she had no experience with children, when you tell a kid not do something well… on her third time turning around she glared at me with dagger eyes, albeit made a little less effective coming through cats eye frames with a chain on them. Anyways, she literally snarled with her teeth bare, “I’ve asked you several times now to stop that child..: ” blah blah blah…

My answer “Wasn’t the ‘child’ grandma, it was Me.” and I smiled. “Tell you what; I’ll switch seats with him so I can kick your seat for a while.” And as we switched I’m pretty sure we hit some turbulence as I fell forward on her head rest.. She exploded, complained the stewardess and had the nerve to ask of the people behind her to could be relocated. Thankfully the stewardess pointed out that moving one is easier than five and made her move. Mrs. S might have given her a bird shot as she passed us, but I can’t remember perfectly. Later on when we were on the ground I got to have some fun at the baggage check when I stood behind her pretended to have a conversation in my cell where words like “Bitch” “bitter” “fat” “angry” “had a fucking mustache” could be overheard.

Having lived in a Minnesota for while at that point I was pretty good at being passive aggressive. Matter of fact I excelled at it that day. And I assure you it was great fun, abusing mean people is very rewarding.

And with that mess of unconnected thoughts perhaps a Thorozine is in order. See you later.


Filed under Life