This year Team Sank-a-Ray is
celebrating observing three graduations! Trifecta of academic excellence if you will. #3, the Girl is graduating from high school on Saturday. Congratulations on meeting the minimum viable product in your educational development. We are celebrating by attending the ceremony, which is a lot for us. I mean frankly we don’t really do celebrations over here. BTW, for those of you didn’t get the announcement, stop looking for it, we didn’t send one out. Since there’s no party seems disingenuous to send out an announcement, feels like a thinly veiled money dance for graduating high school.
Didn’t do a Senior Picture either so we don’t actually have anything to put on the announcement.
Amazing the state didn’t take those poor kids away a long time ago.
The Duce, #2 graduated from Auburn about three weeks ago. Where did those four years go we’re asking ourselves. And can I still fly down to Auburn every fall for a football game, which is a pretty important question in my mind. Still 4 years start to finish is a nice accomplishment and we’re happy for him. I can still go to Auburn games right, that was kinda the point of sending him there.. oh congrats and all.. um do we have to move tailgate spots now?
And finally the First Born, he’s walking across the graduation stage at the Technion in Israel in a few weeks, he earned his Masters in Engineering. Being the oldest and having the most experience with me he knew better than to tell me about the ceremony until it was too late for me to go over for it. Not that I was going too, but at least I have an excuse. Besides his ceremony will be in Hebrew, and I can barely sit through grad ceremonies in English. Seriously.
OK that’s a bit of exaggeration. True fact that we weren’t going over for his Masters this year regardless of lead time. Also true that we (mom and I) didn’t know that he was graduating until about a week ago when he posted a picture of his robes. But really we never planned for the Masters, we’re holding out for the PhD in a few years.
So all these graduations has old Sank a little overwhelmed, that’s a lot family time and chores for a lazy old fat guy. Mrs S is wearing me out. Makes me want to up the Elopement Bonus significantly because frankly a wedding sounds really complicated. It’s pushing $50K. Unless you get married in Vegas, then I want to come. Don’t even have to go to ceremony, just need an excuse to go to Vegas.
I’ve long thought that this grad thing has really gotten waaaaaaaaaaaay out of hand.
In California, I’ve been told the niece had three separate practices for her grad ceremony. Unless I’m missing something I would think all you need to know is where to sit and where in line you need to stand. Apparently they’re releasing doves at hers. I’m surprised given the number of super expensive cars I see with California plates that I’m certain will be in school parking lot right after the release. That’s a lot of glorified pigeons crapping on really nice cars. Maybe it’s different when doves do it.
In Minnesota we won’t be releasing doves, just graduates, off to work, school or gap years.. gap year, quelle hell?
Speaking of doves, we couldn’t release doves in Minnesota anyway because their aren’t any left. I’m pretty sure they were all released during the unending month of Prince memorials around here, because you can’t have doves cry without a dove.
I’ve never been a huge fan of massive high school celebrations. Here in Minnesota, by my calculations, the typical high school grad party costs somewhere between $45,000 and $50,000.
$100 for the cap and gown
$500 for the food
$90 for prom
$49,310 for the home improvement and landscaping projects that have to be done to get the here-to-for neglected family garage and yard up to snuff to host relatives you haven’t seen since the Christening 17 years ago. Just say’n peeps, I see it all the time.
No doves though.
All this for a fake milestone. Personally I say give the big party for the college graduation. Then we’re all celebrating. The kid is really and truly done with school. The family is probably really and truly done with the kid, at least from a financial support standpoint.(Please Lord)
We can call it the “Graduation and Off the Payroll Party”. Now that’s something worth celebrating. I realize not every kid goes to college. For them lets do a you got your first job party, meaning you successfully transitioned to real life.
But to the contrary we now have Eighth Grade Graduation, Fifth Grade Graduation, Kindergarten Graduation Montessori Graduation, Hospital Nursery Graduation, Emrge from the Womb graduaton.. I guess thats a birthday, scratch that, but I you know what I mean!
I told Mrs S that in the unlikely event we have grandkids in future who live nearby, come Fifth Grade Graduation I’m not going. On principal. She remarked “I’m going to whatever I want too.” “well that’s great, and when you’re there tell them grandpa isn’t there because he thinks this is dumb.” My son chimed in that he’s not going either, even if it’s his kid because, and sit down for this one.. “Dad is right, it’s dumb”. Maybe a “First time Dad is Right” celebration is order. I predict more of those in the future.
Kindergarten Graduation I’m willing to give pass too because basically at that point it’s a trained poodle show with five year olds. Dress’um up like grads, prance’um across a stage. Give ‘um a rolled up certificate and a candy and take lots of photos. it’s cute. Super cute. Sells lots of cameras and makes Grandparents smile. We can keep that one.
But what are they really celebrating I asked. “Congrats on not crapping your drawers anymore, welcome to first grade.” My wife is an elementary school nurse, she has experience with kids “unfortunately that’s not really true, I have kids in every grade of elementary school who crap their drawers.”
Yikes! Ok the kindergartners who don’t crap their drawers get cords at graduation, the kids who don’t pee their pants are the valedictorians”.
Seems about right. My mother in law noted that “there might be more than one valedictorian in the group.”
Which reminded me, “valedictorians”, we’ve gone overboard there too.
Back in my day.. wait for it.. I honestly think we had a 4.0 student about once a generation or so. Certainly not every year. Kids with 3.7’s were often valedictorians; they were certainly salutatorians. And BTW one of each. Now.. holy cow.. at my daughters prom photos I learned that about 4 of the girls there were valedictorians. And that there like 10 total this year. Their GPAs? 4.7. Yah.. 17% higher than what I thought was the highest possible score on the academic scale. Lets call out the overachievers.
Grade inflation or Tiger Moms.. not sure.
Well, congrats to all the grads, except the fifth and eigth graders, they just need to go find their new lockers.