Tag Archives: Weather

May 15, 2013 · 7:49 pm

Thinking about Indian Summer after White Man Winter.

I love me a good Indian Summer. With all due respect to my native friends, or rather friend I think I only have one official Native American friend, official in that he’s an enrolled member of a tribe, I think he said I could still say Indian Summer. My definition of Indian Summer is a few weeks of gorgeous delightfully pleasant weather we get after the first nip of winter weather, usually in October. It’s a good thing, like the Indians are bringing us something nice before the cold sets in, aka the Thanksgiving Myth of happy Pilgrims free from the religious oppression of Europe, landed in America where they could now become the oppressors rather than the opressees enjoying a delightful meal of turkey, cornbread, garlic mash and green bean casserole with the benevolent and loving Wampanoag people who forgave them that enslavement deal for a couple days and brought them good things to eat and helped the survive the winter.

I digress. Indian Summer. Then I think about April 2013 in Minnesota. After three nice days in March we got an extra month of winter around here. Snow, and lots of it, cold temperatures, nothing thawed like it was supposed too… are there is there a name for that extra winter? Something about a people who gives promises of good times to come and then swipes them away? What COULD we call that? Hmmm.

What have we been through here in Minnesota? Local weather guy Paul Douglas pointed out that between Sunday morning and Tuesday afternoon there places in this state that experienced a 100 degree change in temperatures.

Paul Douglas is full of crap. There’s no way that it was more than 70 degrees. Childs play for the land of lakes where weather is a theatre controlled by the same unerring laws of natures that govern the movement of the planets in the orbits and rotation of our Earth around its axis, which is what really creates the unending progression of seasons which delight us so here in Minnesota, and fill our conversations with incessant whining while at the same time giving us pride and collective strength as we brag to friends and family less subject to Mother Nature’s inclemency’s that to live here takes guts and fortitude not found in more southerly climes.

To which I say, in the tenderest manner, bull<space>shit. My son, the Alabama guy, spit his McDonalds diet coke all over the front window of my car when he heard on the radio, on Sunday afternoon, a day when it didn’t get out of the 40′s, that by Tuesday we would be dealing with “extreme” heat, maybe even pushing…. 90 degrees.

We may be proud of the fact that there are times here when stepping outside in the wrong clothing could be fatal in a matter of minutes and that we survive it, but give us a little heat and we melt like fucking popsicle. Shee it.

I remember the one and only time I took by precious bride to visit my folks in Stockton California. It was August. Mid August, oven season in the Great Central Valley. We had started our journey (and this is the only appropriate use of the word friends. Your weight loss, professional development, childrearing years etc. are not Journeys, stop using that word for that stuff, it’s just gawd damned annoying.) in San Francisco, it was about 60 degrees. As we made our way over the Altamont Pass and descended into the valley, where on a clear day in winter you can easily see across the valley from the Altamont to the Sierra Nevada, a distance of about 100 miles, there was nothing but shimmering heat and haze. We pulled into Stockton the comfort of our car AC cranking away and passed the bank when Mrs S made the following comment, “It’s 1:15? I thought it was like 3:00.”

When we stopped and opened the door to the car, she realized her mistake. It was 3:00 and it was every bit of 115. Brutal. But not like I didn’t go out and do things back in the day, after all it’s a dry heat eh? We must not have invented dehydration before about 1980 because I can’t ever remember anyone ever worrying about it, or about us kids paying out side in the heat. Hell they MADE us play in the heat, and told us not to drink water to avoid cramping up.

Strange times we live in, why I hear nowadays parents’ chain smoking in cars with the widows closed is bad for the children in some way. That was a game even Granndma got into. Smoking that is.

So where in Minnesota we’ve passed the season where a can of beer in your gloved hand starts freezing in about 5 minutes and finally, FINALLY seems to have reached a point where the snow, at least sticking snow, is behind us for 4 or 5 months. Not saying we won’t have another frost yet, but snow is probably gone. Today I smelled my first cut lawn, neighbors are starting to get out there with their mowers and hacking away. The raking is in fill swing. Street sweepers came along today to harvest as much of the winters sand and gravel as they could, streets are clean, flowers are budding, things are looking up.

Ooo Morels will be here soon, now THAT is good news.

And then you realize the days get shorter in 4 short weeks. Happy Summer everyone.

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March 18, 2013 · 8:46 pm

To get a right answer, as a wife

I woke up in the middle of night on Saturday shivering. Somewhat uncontrollably. I mean I was freezing, well chilled anyway. Of course my first thought, night sweats. Stupid paranoid hypochondria. Weird thing was, I wasn’t really sweating, just chilled.
Blanked had rolled off the bed a wee bit.

When I woke up at 7:00 or so I was still cold. Flu maybe.
I think there’s a new corona virus floating around, might be that.
Had the chills right down to the bone if ya know what I mean.

I went up stairs where I found Mrs S just waking up. Or so it appeared, she was completely buried under the covers.
“I think I’m sick my precious dove, might need to go to the emergency room”. I exaggerated a bit so sue me.
“Whats you problem?” she said from under the blankets, and I might add, not exactly in a way that exuded much sympathy.  “I think I’m running a fever, I’ve been shivering all night”.

She uncovered her left eye, “‘d’ya check the heater Occum” A thinly veiled and I might add somewhat sarcastic reference to Occums Razor, the principal of succinctness. The idea that the hypothesis with  simplest explanation or the one with the fewest choices should be the one to choose. In her world the chances that I’d suddenly developed a devastating tropical disease or a rare cancer overnight were probably not as good a choice as heater issues.

Women. The can be so cruel when a man is need.

“Heaters fine, I’ve got the chills dear.”

Without looking up “go check”.

Downstairs I walked to the thermostat, it read 52 degrees.

Sunday morning it was 8 degrees in the Twin Cities, but it should have been 72 in the house.

Mrs S has been consistently right since 1985, same year we were married. I was right once last summer, forgot what it was about however.

Centerpointe energy was over 20 minutes. Turns out the sensor uh.. shit I don’t know I wasn’t listening. There’s no chance that I’d ever fix a furnace go shits sake. Mrs S might, but for me if you just leave me your phone number that’ll do believe me.
I’ll put right next to nurse line. Good news is after May 1 I can start calling that number again as my ban expires.

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June 19, 2012 · 7:59 pm

Weather- It’s Intense Around Here

Hot today in the Twin Cities, like 90 degrees hot.

Makes me wish for our signature season, the glorious winter when life here is good, the grass isn’t growing, I’m not tempted to offend friends and family with my disgusting Popeye Calves, not cankles mind you, just gross calves and finally I don’t have to watch hordes of red faces office workers waiting for busses downtown in suits and ties because certain employers are run by people to drive from air conditioned garages to air conditioned garages, ignoring the bottom 99% who are in steerage on the public transport.

And finally I’ve read that the heat makes some people crabby, at least I don’t have to worry about that. My sunny disposition is unaffected by heat and humidity. So much so that I’m inclined to go out for a nice walk after dinner this evening except… that it’s to Gawd Damned HOT outside. Man Id like a little snow about right now.

Or a Coors Light.

I know gross, but it’s better than water. Kinda.

With all this heat and humidity of course we’ve enjoyed our share of severe weather. Good friend of mine, Minnesota Native who I’ve known for the last 17 years I’ve lived here, matter of fact she’s responsible for me moving here, one said to me “the weather here is ‘intense’”. Well said.

But this year, our winter was a non factor, about as intense as an episode of Mary Tyler Moore. Another Minnesota Original. BTW, aside from weather this isn’t exactly a bastion of intense anything, pepper for example, is a spice. We do get a little passionate about politics, but even the Tea Party here is a gentler shade of radical as they were mostly able to give up their dogma and support a massive stadium taxpayer screw job.

It’s been a couple weeks and I want to keep that issue alive, thanks for traveling down that path with me.

Anyway, last night I had a dream that there were people taking pictures of me, lots of pictures, more and more and the I woke up and realized that the pictures were in fact, incessant flashes of lightning outside my bedroom window. Literally non-stop for about an hour. At some point something struck the ground in the neighborhood, we had one of those deals where the flash and massive BOOM occur at precisely the same instant. Last time that happened two houses up the street from us caught fire. This time I there was no evidence of the hit. Well something happened, I was rocked out of the bed and the dog pissed himself. Notable since he was lying on the foot of the bed at the time.

Still, no damage that I could discern, other than to my down comforter.

This was not the case to the south of us. In Lakeville, the white flight suburb where people in Apple Valley who do well aspire to move too, or as I like to say, the folks on top of the hill, sustained considerable damage. A friend of mine described a neighbors trampoline that was literally blown apart by the storm, pieced of which came into his bedroom window and imbedded themselves into his siding. Sounds like a tornado to me, but the NWS says no. 85MPH winds.

That’s why I like to keep my trampoline in the bedroom where it belongs. That’s where the gymnastics happen after all.

In my little world anyway.

What we did get, instead of trees downs, because frankly I think the easy trees have all fallen down around our house, thanks to previous storms. Instead we had a torrent of water pouring off the house and through the yard relocating about a yard and a half of mulch from the flowerbed.

Not that I didn’t see it coming. I’ve been suggesting for a while now that the next 100 year storm we’d have problems with run off. Now that we’ve about 3 100 year storms in the last couple weeks I’m happy to report that I was right.

Well not happy that what I thought would happen happen, but quite happy to be right cause that, doesn’t happen to often.

Tonight economists weather forecasters have called for more storms, more excitement and more intense weather. Whoo boy baby.

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April 29, 2012 · 10:37 am

I hate April

April showers, snow and rain, high at 40, spring time bane.

So the proverbial shoe dropped yesterday. The bill came for us, after an incredible run of weekend weather around here, reaching all they way back into February, we had our come=upIt was freezing. Rained all day. As Hal Borland wrote; “April is the promise that May is bound to keep”. Well they say that around here anyway. I often think of T.S. Eliots poem The Wasteland this time of year, which opens with the line “April is the cruelest month”. For those of you who didn’t take a lit class you won’t recognize the wasteland for what it is, perhaps the most important poem of the 20th century.

Personally I like the first stanza

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding

Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing

Memory and desire, stirring

Dull roots with spring rain.

Exactly how I feel about spring around here, weathers promise oft belated by winter’s last gasp. Which when I thought of when it was snowing yesterday.. just say’n.

BTW if you don’t get around to reading The Wasteland allow me to share an even better quote from it;

And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,

And the dry stone no sound of water. Only

There is shadow under this red rock,

(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),

And I will show you something different from either

Your shadow at morning striding behind you

Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;

I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

I really really really like that last line, Eliot could turn a phrase huh? Did I mention that my oldest kid’s middle name is Eliot?

He can not turn a phase however. He can however, solve equations which require similar sorts of mental acuity and abstract adeptness with which great writers hone their craft. Or so they tell me, mathematics for me being one of those disciplines where I have to take other peoples word for it since I can’t get my head through it’s secret codes.

I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

Shakespeare said it best in Hamlet I think, when discussing the dread that comes with the contemplation of mortality;

But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere’d country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?

Ooo I’m a little dark today. Probably because the weather yesterday had me house bound. The weather on Sunday was much nice, but I still found myself house bound, one of those days where nothing sounded good.

Oh well, tomorrow I’m off to Las Vegas for a few days for work. Weather out there should improve my attitude.

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February 28, 2012 · 10:33 pm

Weather Forecastinating- Minnesota’s Toughest Job

Nothing like the threat of a good storm in Minnesota, much more exciting than the actual participation in a storm.

We like our weather here. The year I moved here we experienced the coldest winter in Minnesota’s history, -40 degrees at our house, and that was before windchill. So cold that Mrs S snapped her key off in the lock of her mini-van at the grocery store parking lot one fine afternoon. I had to chain her to water heater for a few days until she settled down and stopped packing her stuff to move back to California. A very good friend of mine later than spring, when the -40’s were followed up with a particularly violent spring with massive thunderstorms, tornados and finally 100+ degree heat, she said to me “weather here is intense”.

And, more often the not, weather here is the news. Especially when there’s a storm brewing

For the last week or so we’ve been hearing about a massive storm headed our way. Once a long time ago, I would have been just the slightest bit concerned. No more

Here’s the pattern I’ve noticed-

Storm Day

SD – 10 days. At some point meteorologists will mentioning “computer models”.  The sentence looks like this; “Computer models are predicting a potential weather event for next Wednesday. At this point it’s looking significant”, and then the disclaimer “but you never know this far out.”

The pronouncement of “computer model” and “potential” means that all over the state weather professionals are “free to engage”. Let the forecastinating beging.

SD -7 Days. Now the updates are saying “next week we could have a pretty good snowfall ‘round here. But you never know, depends on the storm track.” In three days we’ve become more familier with the pending storm and have turned on the folksy voice while not forgetting the actual disclaimer. Seven days out I’m pretty sure we’re still considering predictive models because a week out any potential storm is still out in the Pacific somewhere

SD-5 Days. Now the meteorologists are getting more confident, confident enough to start saying the dreaded “inches” word. They’re also starting to update us on the storm on the radio at the top and the bottom of every hour. At this point the predictions almost always call for heavy snow in Northern Minnesota or along the Iowa border. My theory is this is the “safe” zone for predictive analysis. There aren’t many people in either spot so if they’re wrong, there are fewer phone calls and nasty notes in the mail.

No one is going to call a big crippling storm in the Twin Cities until…

SD-3D Days. Now we have enough predictive science, models, upper atmosphere data and crystal ball magic to stop saying potential and start saying significant storm. The discussion starts to take on a little panic. Updates come more often. Families start looking at calendars to see what they’ve got going on the predicted day of the storm, as well as a day or two after. I start thinking about gas for the snow blower and how I might get to work on Storm Day.

One myth I’m going to shed right now- snow days. In my company there has never been an official snow day. Early on the head of HR who would actually make the call lived in the Skyway, the system of walkways between buildings that connect downtown Minneapolis. For him there was never a reason to call a snow day. For folks in the suburbs.. at about 18inches it starts to get really hard to get around, personally that’s when I’d call it. 

SD-2Days Now the weather folks are talking “heaviest bands” of snow This is tempered by “depending on the exact track of the storm”. For those of us on the ground it’s time to go to the grocery store and stock up on canned food, candles, blankets and ammo ‘cause being snowed in for more than 5 hours could cause us to run out of basics, like we run our home inventory that close.

Well, obviously we don’t on most things… but there are a few- drumstick ice cream bars, good DVD’s, nacho’s, good scotch,  Oreo’s,  that sort of thing we do tend to have short supplies for some reason It’s always prudent to stock up as they say. Hell if we didn’t we might stuck eating fruits and veggies, always lots of those on hand.

SD -1 Day.. The weather folks are now butting into regular programming. Pictures from Montana and North Dakota confirm that there is in fact a storm coming our way. But, typically they’re not quite ready to commit. Personally I like the predictive graphics that start going up. They look like colorful topographic maps. 1”-3” white, 3”-6” light purple, 6”-9” purple 9”-12” darker purple, 12”+ deep dark scary purple.. the predicted storm bull’s-eye. If you live in the deep purple; pray. And get the blower started now just in case

Folks start glancing at the Western horizon looking for clouds. Usually the wind picks up, as the first clouds start rolling in. It can get a little foreboding around here by then. At this point Mrs S and I tell the kids we love them, I start moving appointments at the office, Mrs S cancels her appointments. I make sure to move up the dog grooming, we need to get that done before the storm hits.

The day before there is little conversation around the office other than the pending storm. My new favorite word “Snowmageddon”.

And then, here we are. Storm Day.  The forecast of snow has been changed to ice, which is actually rain and ice, the 12 inches of snow is now a steady soaking rain, and we’re all wondering what’s up for tomorrow, mere 8 hours from now.

Minnesota- theature of the seasons where the only job more complicated than economist is weather forecaster.

 

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July 18, 2011 · 9:11 am

From the Tropics of Minnesota

Highest dew point in Minnesota history yesterday. More on tap for today. And more on tap for Tuesday, and Wednesday.

When I headed out into the backyard to brave feeding the fish in the pond on Sunday afternoon, it was downright tropical outside.  Felt tropical and oddly enough, smelled tropical, smelled like I was in Hawai’I only without the wiffs of plumeria that say “You’re in Hawai’I”. This here it was more the kind of tropical that says “your shirt is rotting on your back”.

Uh.

I grew up in a rather heated climate where 110 plus in the summer wasn’t unheard off. I remember one case where my home town was the hottest spot in the United States, 118 degrees. But, as the say it was a dry heat. Walking out side in the Central California scorching heat was more like walking into a oven while this heat  is more akin to putting a steaming towel on your face and trying to breathe through it.

Other than the blistering buns on the bottom of your feet from running across the street to the neighbors pool barefoot, or the scorching your hands would get grabbing a steering wheel at 200 degrees, it wasn’t as bad it sounds. And certainly not as bad as this humid hotness.

Added misery, we big fat gentlemen of certain vintage tend to perspire in this weather, a lot. As a kid I remember going to play golf or fish in 100 degree weather. As long as you drank a lot of water you were fine. The sweat would evaporate instantly as the atmosphere was starved for water, humidity was in the low teens, here the air is fully saturated and all that sweat has no where to go except down your face an onto your clothes where it meets the sweat that originated on your torso and creates a big nasty moist feeling that you’re the main course in some sort of fat guy stew.

Oh, and last kvetch- makes my glasses slide of my head due to the perspiration on my nose and ears. Which could be in fact, the single most annoying part of this whole experience.

According to the weather folks we have another three days of Amazon weather here in Minnesota. We’re all complaining, more complaining that we do when it’s 100 degrees in the other direction. We aren’t made for this. Today the forecast for Minneapolis is warmer and higher dew points than Houston Texas for G-ds sake. HOUSTON, the town that has been in a slow rot for 100 years thanks to constant humidity.

Then again, as payback for all the laughing we do in the winter watching news footage from places like Kansas City an Washington DC and Houston Texas, when they get a little snow or ice and here are the poor souls scraping their windshields with an ATM card, shivering in their parka’s and mufflers in the 30 degree weather, we got called out yesterday by Bruce Hagevik, CCO’s weekend guy “you know” he pointed out, regarding all the whining that was going around here yesterday, and I was certainly in that chorus, “you know what they call a day like this in Kansas City” he asked. “They call it ‘Sunday’ in summer”.

Point taken, shut up and move on.

So, son and I left the lake, where we don’t have air conditioning and where I’d burned out the motors on two fans from sitting on them trying to cool off and returned to Apple Valley, where we found our home AC had been set to 77 degree by Mrs S, who had just departed for a college visit in uh.. Alabama where they also call days like yesterday “Sunday”, just Sunday mind you, not even “hot” Sunday.

Two weeks ago 77 in the house would have been called uncomfortable by me. When the difference between the inside and outside was almost 30 degrees however, it was refreshing. But just to be sure, and since Mrs S isn’t home, I set the thermostat to a more comfortable 67, cranked up the power and prepared for the neighborhood brown out. My plan was to have our house down to a really nice and cold just a bit warmer than the inside of the fridge before the power grid fails, with the windows closed and the house darker than a stoner kids 70’s era bedroom (that was the time when foil on the windows was more common than it is now) we’d be able to escape the heat.

And the biggest difference between the 100 degree humid days in Minnesota and 118 degree hottttt days in Stockton California? At 9:00 at night, in the Midwest it’s still hotter than hell. In Stockton the hotter it got during the day, faster all that hot air rises into the atmosphere and what comes in to replaces it, often at 30 MPH, fresh natural sea cooled air off the Pacific Ocean, where the temps at beach are almost never more than 65 degrees.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have some of that sea air about right now.

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May 10, 2011 · 9:32 pm

Storm Tracker- A Summer Preview

Stormy morning in the Northland. As typical we went from winter to summer, only pausing for spring for about 2 days last week.

The move to summer always starts the traditional argument over when we switch from furnace to air conditioner. I’m prepared to lose that argument, I’m 0-16 since moving here after all. If it were up to me I’d of have had thing running about three weeks ago, at the first sign of house stuffiness. Mrs S however makes the argument that “I’ve been freezing for 9 months, I wanna be hot now”. She turns it on every July 1.

Then again, she’s always hot isn’t she? Well, I assure you she can get pretty damned cold if I start setting the AC to about 65 when it’s only 70 outside.

I guess AC is an indulgence I’ll have to enjoy in my car for the time being.

Which reminds me, I also have to change my “whiner” switch from “too cold” to “too hot”.

Our first sirens went of Monday morning. I came downstairs for breakfast at about 6:00 am and thought to myself “Gosh it looks dark outside for 6:00 am”. These days it’s pretty darn bright out at about 6:00am. I went out the get the paper and thought for a minute that the sky had a bit of a greenish tint, sign of a severe thunderstorm with hail. Next thing you know the neighborhood got lit up with one of those lightning bolts where the flash and the CRACK-BOOM come at the exact same time.

Scared the piss out of the dog. Literally. I went back in the house, had some coffee, as the first sprinkles starting hitting the kitchen skylight. At some point there was much sharper sound, a hailstone had hit the roof. Then another, and another and then, to my shock.. the thumping of a 20 year old bolting up from his subterranean basement apartment. Odd ‘cause for the life of me I couldn’t raise him on Saturday to save my life, and that was at 8:30, much less 6:04.

He looked a little shattered; shirtless, super long nylon shorts, hair in every direction, eyes puffy and half closed.. “WAS THAT HAIL?”

“Hail? Why yes it was, and morning sunshine”.

“MY CAR I GOTTA GET MY CAR IN THE GARAGE”.

“OK”

“YOU HAVE TO MOVE YOUR CAR OUT OF THE GARAGE SO I CAN GET THE AUDI IN THERE”.

“I’m having breakfast though”.

“DAD.. MY AUDI.. “

“Do you want some coffee?”

He was visibly shaking now. Mrs S came downstairs to see what was happening. I had weatherunderground.com up on the computer to see what the fuss was about. By now it was really green and the sirens were in full blast.

Looking at the Doppler radar I made the following observation  “ I don’t think the heavy stuffs going tom come down for another 30 seconds or so Hun.. go move your car”

A few more hailstones hit the roof.

Kid stormed off to find the family keys. Mrs S asked “what’s he all in tiz about?” “God”

She was a little puzzled. It’s fun to be the most conscious one in a house in the morning. “He’s upset because God is about fuck with his car. I think he would like us to go outside and lay on top it to protect it with our bodies while he juggles cars and lawnmowers to get his car, the so called ‘best car in the house’ in the garage. Oh, and our cars are going to be sacrificed to German engineering”.

She contemplated for like a second “Give me a cup of coffee.” I did, she sat down with the paper. Kid came back in.. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING CAN SOMEONE HELP ME MOVE CARS PULEEESE”.

Mrs S looked at him, back at me “Did you get strawberry jam” I replied “why yes dear” and went to the fridge and got some. Kid is starting to shake a bit.

More hail now.

I looked at the wife, back at the kid, back at the wife “hand me the sports would you dear?” “Why of course my love” and she did. Amazing.

Kid, seen enough and in shorts and no shoes went out into a torrential downpour to move cars.

“Son” I called before he walked out. He turned back to look at me, eyes all red with frustration, “Son, would you park my car right next to the door so I can just jump in and not get wet?”

Since, on this very rare occasion Mrs S and were on the same page, and actually enjoying something together , torturing a kid, I decided to push it a bit. “I’m gonna turn on the AC dear.. gonna get humid and hot in here.”

“Don’t read to much into this Sank” she replied, “just enjoy this moment before we punch back in”

I.E. the Ralph and Sam show.

Youngsters may not catch this reference, and for once I’m going to help you. Ralph and Sam were to very minor characters in Warner Brothers Universe of cartoon characters. Over shadowed by better known stars like Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck , Elmore Fudd, Road Runner and Coyote, Ralph and Sam were also know as Wolf and Sheepdog in 7 Warner Bro’s shorts. The joke is every day they’re just doing their jobs. They walk to work together, punch in at the whistle, assume the roles of a wolf and a dog guarding his flock, then at 5:00 they punch out and walk home together, typically after Sam (sheepdog) has beat the crap of the wolf. Classics! 

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April 5, 2011 · 9:05 pm

Spring Time Comest

Spring time means I’m getting out of the house a bit and talking with few surviving neighbors, spring time in Minnesota is kind of like coming out from the shelter after the nuclear  bomb has gone off. The grass is flat and covered with snow mold, trees are bare, sun is shining a bit brighter these days, but it’s not exactly warm enough to do anything .. why it must be Spring, that season that I rank #4 on my list of the most favorite seasons. Right after Winter, with this difference. I like all the seasons ranked #3 or higher.

Spring however, sucks.

I like to say that Spring is like a woman; finicky, changes it’s mind all the time, inconsistent, illogical, capable of the most tender affections and the most brutal icy chill.

Not that I actually know of any women like that, and any resemblance of the above statements to any real woman, dead or alive, or any woman who hasn’t yet been born or initiated into womanhood is strictly coincidental. No specific woman or women,  implied  or otherwise was considered when these lines were composed, this is simply prose and stereotyping. Which I’m told, is wrong. Fact is, I’ve never even known a woman to change her mind, ever.

So be it.

Here’s the deal with Spring, it’s 35 degrees one day, it’s 70 the next. It’s raining and mild one the first of April, we get 8 inches of snow on the 15th. The month is a down right tease. I hate that. By May we’re into the more reasonable stretches of nice weather occasionally punctuated with tornados and flash floods.

I can live with reliable.

 

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November 18, 2010 · 11:15 pm

Dreaming of a White Thanksgiving

Weather man said “Thanksgiving is shaping up to be the coldest Thanksgiving in 30 years.” In Minnesota that means something. As of this morning the weather head is predicting a high next  week of 15 degrees. This, is great news. It means that the turkey, once consumed and reduced to leftovers, can be safely put in a plastic bag and put out on the potting bench to freeze, saving room in my fridge and freezer. G-d provides for us here in Minnesota in so many ways, a free deep freeze for half the year being just one great perk.

We’re also supposed to get more of mother natures beautifer great beautifier, snow.. this weekend. Not a lot, but enough to spruce up some of the brown spots that have developed along the roads. And enough to cover up a weeks worth of lawn sausages planted by my angry corgi.

The longer I live here, the more I appreciate all the cool things about living here. Mrs S is still learning to appreciate some of the more subtle benefits of living north of the 45th parallel. Actually we live 3/10ths of a degree south of 45, but close enough for government work. Now on the downside, its’ going to be too cold to leave the wine outside for more than a few minutes, made that mistake before.

I remember the first Thanksgiving we were here and frankly I’m quite surprised to learn that that particular day wasn’t the record cold Thanksgiving. It was our first winter in Minnesota. We had about 12 inches of snow on the ground. I made a little toboggan run in the back yard for them. It ran down our little hill and into the little valley we have in the back yard. I smacked down the snow with the back of a shovel and made the run. The kids lined up with the sleds and whoosh.. of they went.

Actually it was less of a whoosh than it was a slow roll. Something was wrong, the snow wasn’t working the way I remember snow working in my youth. Hmmmm. I had a good idea, water. Off I went into the house, emptied out a Windex bottle and filled it with water. We could spare some Windex for the children. Always for the children.

I put 4 bottles of water down on the run. Since the temperature outside was about 8 degrees it froze instantly. In the mean time, sprayed some Pam on the sleds. We’re ready.

Frist kid, the Redhead, he was about 4 at the time. Down he went, much faster. He came shooting down the run, laughing all the way. The oldest kid did a couple runs, then it was my turn.

Inertia and gravity and the enemy of the obese.

The kids were able to pick my butt out of the chain link fence.

What did a kid from California know? Apparently nothing. By December the temps had dropped to sub-zero. I got a call from my brother in law in California. “Dude you gotta try something.” “whats that?” “Boil some water in a pan then go outside and throw it straight up in the air. It will turn into a giant cloud of snow. Go try it.” Sounded interesting. I went to the stove, boiled the water, walked out onto the driveway, copious amounts steam were rolling off the pan. I threw it straight up into the air. A monstrous cloud of steam went up, this was cool. And then, the sound of a pan full of water hitting the driveway where, it instantly froze into a large, slippery chunk of ice. Which sat on the drive way until April.

Which was nice.

 

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August 8, 2009 · 9:40 pm

Storms

File:New Richmond Tornado.gif

After a quiet summer tonight it all came together. Heat, moisture and humidity, converging fronts and the atmosphere exploded. Very volatile. Tornados have rolled through the north metro and now have moved into Wisconsin.

Watching storms on the radar… funnel clouds and rotating thunderstorms are bearing down on New Richmond. Got my fingers crossed. Local history buffs will remember that in 1899 one of the largest tornados in American history basically wiped the town off the map. Scary. The storm bearing down on New Richmond at the moment is capping at 60,000 feet. That’s a really really big storm.

Once the storm gets through New Richmond, Amery is next in line.

Another big storm is rollling through Balsam Lake Wisconsin. That storm, with hail and possible rotation, is bearing down on a straight line for the cabin And just think we had our room assed by the insurance last week for hail damage. Glad the work hasn’t been done yet.

Hard not to be a weather junkie when you live in Minnesota. Keeping fingers and toes crossed that no one gets hurt.

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