I’m back from my trip into Uptown. Turns out the 420 thing was accurate, there weren’t that many folks out and about, but the 20 something crowd isn’t exactly known for the being early risers. I myself was up at the computer this morning at 5:02am. that’s the gift G-d gives the aged, my gender aged anyway, more productive hours in the morning.
So I went down to Fifth Element up there in big time Minneapolis. I made time for a stop at Spyhouse Coffee because one should be caffeinated before one attempts to fit in with a cool crowd. Plus I figured the coffee shop was a good place to ease into the 20 something set. Upon entering Spyhouse I was immediately blinded by the light of hundreds, maybe thousands of glaring white lit Apple logos from all the laptops where the black wearing cultists were all trying to update Facebook at the same time. This is what we’ve come to, chat on Facebook to the person across the table also looking into a Mac something chatting back.
I now felt come what better since I decided a few weeks ago that Apple products are now “symbols of corporate greed” and Microsoft is the new cool, I should take my PC in there open it up and see what happens. On second thought I’d probably be strangled with the headphones from an iPhone and I’m pretty sure there’s an app for that!
Fifth Element is across the street from Spyhouse. they have a neat flat black sign on the front which I was told by my son is part of the color pallet called “murdered out”, friendly color pallet Murder. It is easy to manage since it has one chromatic hue, black. Seems they use for hairdye, nail polish, clothing, cars, walls, and anything else that will hold the color. Easy to dress when you only wear black. Believe me, I know.
Since the last time I was down there a new underwear shoppe has opened next door. Hustler. Not sure if there’s a connection with Larry Flint or not and the place was locked up tight even, wait for it… the BACK DOOR. Thank you very much I’m here all week.
They undie shop doesn’t open until afternoons. Turns out having sex in wild outfits probably keeps one from getting up early more so than say, smoking dope.
Which BTW I almost said, when the kid made the comment that the “420’rs wouldn’t be up early ‘cause they were stoned all day yesterday.” I almost said , “smoking dope isn’t like drinking you aren’t going wake up with hangover.” But I caught myself, because his next question would be “How do you know”, followed up by his mother “He doesn’t DO YOU”. and then I’d have to come clean about all the Cheech and Chong movies I’d watched as a kid.. or would I???
Anyway Fifth Element was pretty packed at 9:15 this morning.
One more thing, what kind if record store opens at 9:00? On a Saturday? When I was growing up Tower Records, the biggie in Stockton opened at like 6:15 pm or something. Ok maybe not that late but I think they went Noon to Midnight. Who gets up at 9:00 am and thinks “I gotta go get me the new Musaf disc and 8 cans of spray paint ‘cause I gotta art in me and I gotta get it out?” oh “yo”.
Place was pretty packed. This time however, among the minions of black clad, backwards hat wearing kids with full sleeve tats and fucked up hair, there were a couple’a older dudes, like me. I was also wearing black by way, gotta fit in. I think they were closer to my age than they were to the other folks in that they had gray goatees, as do I. When my wife says it’s ok to grow one. Which isn’t all that often unfortunately, again with the “owned” thing
What I had however, which NO one else did, was a list. One should never go out without a list. Mine had the following five items on it:
The italics are my stream of conscious musings on these things.
Eyedea and Abilities: First Born. Very clever play on idea. At least I hope that what it is. I had a cousin name Edna and I have to tell you, if they’re naming themselves after some chic named Edna, well lets just say that on my list of things you’ll never hear on the news, right after “Black man falls through the ice” is “And your new Miss America, Edna….”
Felt: Felt 3. I noticed in the bin that Felt have two other albums out. Felt 1 and Felt.. I forgot the name of that middle one, should have written it down on my list. BTW dudes, Chicago did the same thing back their time up to Chicago X, at which point the record label said NO MORE, you’re screwing up the catalogue. Because names are harder than letters in the music world. And my world BTW.
POS: Ipecac Neat. Again clever. Most people, myself included prefer our Syrup of Ipecac over the rocks. It’s taster when it come back up and it’s still nice and cold.
Face Candy: This is where we were. Face Candy? Put that on the list of band names that I wish I had come up with. I can hear it now, opening for the Rolling Stones, Apple Valley’s own FACE CANDY. Maybe if I stopped tucking in my polo shirts and wearing crocs to work I’d have cooler ideas.
I Self Devine: Self Destruct. Again with the damned titles. Self Destruct was going to be the title of autobiography now I’ll have to find something else, bastards.
The draw this morning at Fifth Element was five albums for $10.00. A heckuvadeal. I was so close to asking the very pretty girl with the skyline of Minneapolis tattooed around her bicep where I could find these albums, but I’ve been in record stores before and figured it out. Fifth Element is run my the folks at RhymeSayers, a local recording label. All of these disc’s were in the RhymeSayers bin. It was all coming together for me, this… was an old fashioned sale. I get it now.
The store is pretty cool, graffiti art on the walls clothing, cd’s, vinyl records and lots of cans of spray paint. Spray paint being the medium of the this genre. yes it was cool, probably too cool for me actually as I never have felt comfortable in the place since I was asked a year ago if I was “5-0”, mistaken for an undercover cop during a BluePrint concert.
But the good Lord has a way of soothing ones heart and whilst I was standing there in line, with my black tee shirt all tucked in nice an neat, bald head and extra-fat guy tummy hanging out, a fellow who even I would say was somewhat less cool than I came wandering in to the store.
No kidding, older dude, he had those glasses that get darker when you go outside, like the serial killers and mid 70’s gym teachers like, and he was carrying with him a box of Yehuda brand Matzo’s. He was chomping away on them. Now despite the fact that his sweater shirt was un-tucked and he was wearing some black, even I am savvy enough to know that no one and I mean no one should be seen chomping on matzo’s in a public place a week after the end of Passover.
Come on Dude.
I feel cooler already.
