Tag Archives: Minnesota

May 8, 2013 · 8:18 pm

Fishing Opener Eve Blahs

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Hoiiday time in Minnesota. Fishing opener. The return to the lakes of boats and bait, hooks and minnows, leeches, cigars, gas, beer, and if tradition prevails, open water. Typically around here open water is a given. Not this year. This year there’s a good chance that many of the big walleye lakes will still be covered in ice. And the further north you go, the thicker it’s going to be. Last I heard there was more than a foot ofice on some of those lakes. 

Sunday afternoon I stopped by the cabin to check out the conditions there and take my tree picture for Spring. We still had ice on the lake, not enough to walk on but too much for a boat. Wisconsin had their opener last weekend not sure too many people got out, at least on our lake. 

There was a time when I’d get pretty excited about the opener. This year I’m resigned to helping my wife power wash the cabin. I’m not much in the mood for fishing this year, yet anyway. Winter hangover maybe? I’m sure as the season goes on I’ll get more motivated but at the moment.. bleu.

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March 31, 2013 · 11:50 am

Minnesota Zoo

This morning the Star Tribune had a front page story about the zoo “Minnesota Zoo plans ambitious costly makeover” Frist thing that came to mind.. nothing happens over there that isn’t costly.

The Zoo was on my mind this week, Daughter was on Spring break and the one activity she did was to head over to the Minnesota Zoo. I spent a lot of time at the zoo. As she was heading out the door I gave her a $20. “You can get something to eat with that too.” “Nope Dad, that will just get me in the door.”

I love Zoos. When I travel I make it a point to try to visit zoos, I’ve been know to make trips to a city specifically for that purpose. For example, there is no other reason to go to Milwaukee, at least from my perspective other than to visit their zoo. Which BTW, is a good reason, it’s among the best in the country.

The Minnesota Zoo is enjoyable, it’s a good zoo, but not a great zoo, certainly not a destination zoo, but for a local zoo in a smaller metro area, it’s not bad. I did get tired of the constant barrage of environmental education that they sling over there, can’t go see dolphins without 10 minutes of discussion about sustainable tuna. Granted I used to be over there once a month so maybe I was a little desensitized to the plight of the dolphin.

I used to especially like the Tropics Trail, an indoor loop through a Southeast Asian topical rainforest. It’s a nice escape from winter with it’s steamy atmosphere, tropical plants and animals.. Very enjoyable.

At some point in the last few years the Zoo started making some unwelcome changes, the most poignant, charging $6.00 to park. And once memberships cracked the $100 range, I was done.

Besides we have another zoo in town, the Como Zoo in St. Paul, smaller to be sure, but it has a couple things going for it that might Minnesota Zoo does not. It’s family friendly. For one thing, it’s free, that’s huge. A family of 4 at the Minnesota Zoo is going to spend around $65.00 just to walk in the door. Personally, I think it’s a deterrent. The Como Park Zoo has lions, zebras, giraffes, and great apes. The greatest hits from any zoo parade. The Minnesota Zoo has none of the above.

In the article reporter David Peterson did a nice job bringing up some of the points that have been on my mind;

1)    It’s expensive. According the article we have the second most expensive zoo among “comparable zoos”. I’m not sure what “comparable zoos” means, but we’re up there. Given the range it’s probably not a deal breaker, zoos in general are expensive to operate, I get that.

2)    Perceived quality is low. Peterson cites TripAdvisor.com for ratings on this one. The Minnesota Zoo comes out second from the bottom.

3)    No “marquee” animals. Casual zoo goers want to see lions and tigers and bears. Or zebras, hippos, elephants, that sort of thing. Personally I was thrilled when the Takin exhibit opened. Not often I get to see an animal I’ve never seen or heard of before. But for the casual zoo goer, it’s a goat you see on the way to the grizzlies.

I would add a few more to this list:

4)    Over done environmental issues. I always get the feeling I’m being preached at when I’m at the Minnesota Zoo.

5)    Animal friendly exhibits are nice for the animals, but not so great for the folks who are there to see the animals. Certainly there’s a happy medium. The Russian Brown Bear exhibit, a newer attraction, did a great job showing the animals in their natural habitat but still allowed the visitors to see them up close and personal. Tigers? Hit or miss if you’re actually going to see more than a flash of orange fur.

6)    Discovery Bay. What a disaster. The multimillion dollar facility was built go showcase the zoos pod of dolphins. In addition to the dolphin exhibit it has a massive saltwater tank show casing huge tarpon, sharks, jacks.. it features tide/touch pools and several environmental exhibits. And a snack shack. The facility opened in 1997 (seems like it hasn’t been open that long) and 15 years later the dolphins are gone, and the salt water is corroding the mechanicals in the building. It needs a multimillion dollar overhaul to keep working. To bad someone couldn’t have predicted that salt water would be corrosive, then again we don’t have much salt water up here in Minnesota.

Now the Zoo is talking about big changes. They envision a “destination” attraction with rides and more of the animals I mentioned above. Gone will be the Northern trail, replaced by a African Village and Asian something or other. Up will go the fees and more taxpayer dollars will be spent.. For reference about 22% of the zoos budget, according the Star Tribune, comes from taxpayers.

I love the idea of the nice zoo but frankly, given the track record of misspent funds and declining attendance I think the focus should be changed. I applaud the efforts to see the zoo as more of a tourist attraction rather than an educational resource. In the end people want to see critters and be entertained. Zoo aficionados and zoo keepers need to balance ticket sales with species preservation, research and animal husbandry.

But it all starts with attendance. Which in my mind means cheaper admission fees and a more family friendly environment.\

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February 1, 2013 · 5:14 am

I’m Break’n the Law

Cool this morning here in the great white north. It’s not as white up here as it has been this time of year, we have about 4” of snow on the ground around the Casa. “Normal” for this time of year would be about 12” or more. Apparently if we had had that much snow on the ground we could expect temps overnight to be 15 degree colder than it was. Well, when I got up this morning the old creaky thermometer on the deck was reporting a brisk 15 degrees below zero. For those of you tracking in Celsius that’s -26. Etch glass with your nipples at those temps.

 Don’t care who’ya’are, that’s cold. 30 below would have been frigid.

At 15 the weather service issues the following warning, taken directly from their site:

This will result in
frost bite and lead to hypothermia if precautions are not taken.
When venturing outdoors… make sure you wear a hat and gloves.

Is that something we have to tell people? I’m wonder if there are in fact people who rely on this information to decide to wear a hat and gloves. News didn’t say anything about coats. A coat is more important in the overall scheme of things when thinking about hypothermia, than a hat or a glove. If I go outside wearing a hat and gloves but no coat, and freeze to death in the process, does my family have the right to sue the Weather Service for withholding critical information that could have prevented my demise?

I’m just ask’n.

This morning I broke the law. 99.9 percent of the time I’m a law abiding citizen. Prison is a great deterrent for me, a soft pinkish flabby fat man with moobs and no ability to defend himself wouldn’t last long in prison. Pretty sure I’d be sold for a pack of cigs. On the other hand I think prisons are smoke free now. Good, put the soft doughy dude into a pen of convicts who are participating in an involuntary smoking cessation program. Excellent.

So here’s what I did, ready.. I warmed up the car.

Yup, I backed the Durango out of the garage and left it running in the driveway to warm up. In Minneapolis I’ve learned it is illegal to leave a car running in the driveway with the keys in it. If you have a car starter, a popular northland accessory, press a button on your key chain and the car starts itself, you are limited to 3 minutes. A police man with a stopwatch could come by and cite you.

Why?

The reasons I’ve heard cited by the Social Engineers in this State-

-          Risk of having your car stolen.

  • OK fair enough. But regulating me to keep my car from being stolen is lame. Saves police work ok.. but just say you’re not going to look for it because your too busy, like you do when the steal my car in every other circumstance.

-          Wasting gas.

  • OK, this blows past lame and into the general realm of moronic. Yes I’m wasting gas. My gas that I paid $3.50 a gallon for, I’m going Libertarian on this and suggest it’s none of their beezos.

Turns out most cities in Minnesota have similar ordinances. Warming up the car is illegal.

You know what, at -15F we are approximately 20 degrees colder than the inside of my freezer. If stepped in from the outside and into my freezer, I’d be taking shit off, like my hat and gloves.

This morning I pulled the car into the driveway, popped Judas Priest in the CD player, little “Break’n the Law” and watched as the CD player promptly ejected the disc and flashed “error” on the screen. Too cold for the CD player. Windows fogged with my second breath. Not sure how that happens when most off the moisture in my breath instantly crystalized and dropped into my lap. More argument for warming up the car, decided to add another 10 minutes to the warm up time after that. When back in the house and 20 minutes later I crawled into the toasty warm truck and off to work I went. CD Player working fine.

I hope nobody reports me.

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January 9, 2013 · 8:30 pm

Rant- Sports Softness

It sucks to be a sports fan in Minnesota.

Minnesota nice my ass. We’re like a bunch of parents around here watching their kids play sports. As long as they play hard and do their best we’re so proud of them.

Bullshit. We should be mad. We should be lighting up the airwaves and burning purple shirts.

In the world of prosports, where we the fans pay the bills, and in the case of Minnesota, pay for the stadiums too, we should be pissed.  

Saturday night I watched the Minnesota Vikings put on one the worst performances I’ve ever seen in an NFL playoff game. Wasn’t just QB Joe Webb, although he did really stink up the joint, it was Leslie Frazier and Offensive Coordinator Bill Musgrave. It was a crappy defense, where was the group that sacked Rogers all day the previous week, at home in the Dome? It was passes to nowhere, how many Webb passes hit receivers  in the freak’n numbers only to bounce off then incomplete.

How do you have a backup QB in a playoff game who hasn’t thrown a pass all season? According to Musgrave it’s because we wanted to give Ponder all the time he needed to gain experience. Were you watching that second series of plays when Webb, in the grasp of the Packers Defense tossed the ball straight up in the air in an attempt to avoid a sack. Honestly I don’t know how that ball didn’t get picked off and run back the other way for a pick six. And he did it a couple times. Seriously, looked like a play you’d see middleschoolers attempt.

Vikings fans, were you pissed off? We’re you disgusted? Or did you wear your Vikes crap all day and console yourself in the idea that “well they did better than we thought, it was a good season.” I’m not going discount that, there were some good deeds this year, mostly Adrian Peterson deeds, and they did do better than we thought. But still. They’re soft. They lack toughness.

Case in point:

Vikings were 10-6, good enough get into the playoffs and played like hell the last game of the season to get into the season, and they did against the conference rival who.. had little to play for.  At one time Vikes fans will remember the team played their games outside for a hard-ass coach who even in the dead of the Minnesota winter wouldn’t let the players wear more than minimal protection from the weather. They were tough that way. And the fans were tough, Vikings fans packed the stadium, even in sub-zero conditions wearing snowmobile suits and good hats. This is Minnesota, our climate is our advantage.

Now? This Vikings team was 0-5 outside. Yeah, not one win in grass.

The week before the game in Green Bay it was pretty cold here in Minnesota.

And, it was cold in Green Bay. A fact lost on our coaches.

Lambeau Field is an outdoor venue. Fans there were coats and hats to games in the winter. And they sell place out.

The Vikings practice facility in Eden Prairie has an outdoor practice field. I don’t know of if they use it. They don’t when it’s cold outside. Last week the temps were in the teens. Cold, but not exactly frigid by Minnesota standards. Sub-zero is frigid around here, teens is just cold. Ice fisherman love a day in the teens. Means you can be comfortable on the lake.

But not at the Vikings practice facility. Coach Frazier decided to keep the team inside last week. He did open the doors to bring the temperature down inside. When asked about the outdoor practice field “the footing would be treacherous, wouldn’t be wise”.

Wouldn’t be wise. Really?

Would be too far from the team hot coco and latte maker too I’m guessing.

Smells like “soft” to me.

 

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June 19, 2012 · 7:59 pm

Weather- It’s Intense Around Here

Hot today in the Twin Cities, like 90 degrees hot.

Makes me wish for our signature season, the glorious winter when life here is good, the grass isn’t growing, I’m not tempted to offend friends and family with my disgusting Popeye Calves, not cankles mind you, just gross calves and finally I don’t have to watch hordes of red faces office workers waiting for busses downtown in suits and ties because certain employers are run by people to drive from air conditioned garages to air conditioned garages, ignoring the bottom 99% who are in steerage on the public transport.

And finally I’ve read that the heat makes some people crabby, at least I don’t have to worry about that. My sunny disposition is unaffected by heat and humidity. So much so that I’m inclined to go out for a nice walk after dinner this evening except… that it’s to Gawd Damned HOT outside. Man Id like a little snow about right now.

Or a Coors Light.

I know gross, but it’s better than water. Kinda.

With all this heat and humidity of course we’ve enjoyed our share of severe weather. Good friend of mine, Minnesota Native who I’ve known for the last 17 years I’ve lived here, matter of fact she’s responsible for me moving here, one said to me “the weather here is ‘intense’”. Well said.

But this year, our winter was a non factor, about as intense as an episode of Mary Tyler Moore. Another Minnesota Original. BTW, aside from weather this isn’t exactly a bastion of intense anything, pepper for example, is a spice. We do get a little passionate about politics, but even the Tea Party here is a gentler shade of radical as they were mostly able to give up their dogma and support a massive stadium taxpayer screw job.

It’s been a couple weeks and I want to keep that issue alive, thanks for traveling down that path with me.

Anyway, last night I had a dream that there were people taking pictures of me, lots of pictures, more and more and the I woke up and realized that the pictures were in fact, incessant flashes of lightning outside my bedroom window. Literally non-stop for about an hour. At some point something struck the ground in the neighborhood, we had one of those deals where the flash and massive BOOM occur at precisely the same instant. Last time that happened two houses up the street from us caught fire. This time I there was no evidence of the hit. Well something happened, I was rocked out of the bed and the dog pissed himself. Notable since he was lying on the foot of the bed at the time.

Still, no damage that I could discern, other than to my down comforter.

This was not the case to the south of us. In Lakeville, the white flight suburb where people in Apple Valley who do well aspire to move too, or as I like to say, the folks on top of the hill, sustained considerable damage. A friend of mine described a neighbors trampoline that was literally blown apart by the storm, pieced of which came into his bedroom window and imbedded themselves into his siding. Sounds like a tornado to me, but the NWS says no. 85MPH winds.

That’s why I like to keep my trampoline in the bedroom where it belongs. That’s where the gymnastics happen after all.

In my little world anyway.

What we did get, instead of trees downs, because frankly I think the easy trees have all fallen down around our house, thanks to previous storms. Instead we had a torrent of water pouring off the house and through the yard relocating about a yard and a half of mulch from the flowerbed.

Not that I didn’t see it coming. I’ve been suggesting for a while now that the next 100 year storm we’d have problems with run off. Now that we’ve about 3 100 year storms in the last couple weeks I’m happy to report that I was right.

Well not happy that what I thought would happen happen, but quite happy to be right cause that, doesn’t happen to often.

Tonight economists weather forecasters have called for more storms, more excitement and more intense weather. Whoo boy baby.

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March 11, 2012 · 10:19 am

A Storm’s A Brewing

For those of us who are big fans of St. Paul there is real reason to be worried, we just might be enjoying the last week of sanity in our lovely Capital City.

March is Tournament Month here in Minnesota. The winter sports have their championships, the big one here in the Northland is the Boys Hockey tournament. Last night the period was dotted bittersweet sports story of the year, as the Benilde-St. Margaret Red Knights  defeated the Hill-Murray Pioneers 5-0 to win the Class AA boys hockey championship. For those you not from around here this years season at Benilde will be remembered for a long time, not just because championship, but because of the injury suffered December 30, 2011 by Jack Jablonski a sophomore skater who was checked from behind into the boards resulting in a severed spinal cord at the neck and two fractured vertebrae.

This season was dedicated to Jack, who watched the game with his family from a box at the Excel. Bittersweet to say the least.

But that’s not what I’m worried about for St. Paul next weekend.

This weekend the Western Collegiate Hockey Association (WCHA) will be having their Final Five Conference Tournament at the Excel Energy Center in St. Paul. 6 teams from the conference will be here, along with their fans enjoying 5 hockey games in 3 days. I used to have season tickets to this event, this year I let them lapse. Dumb move on my part because this year oldest kids school Michigan Tech will be here in St. Paul playing in the tournament.

On a sad note this is the last year that this tournament is going to matter or frankly be worth attending. The big teams in the conference are all bailing and college hockey will never be the same, or in my opinion, as good. Seriously, why you screw up natural rivalries and break up college hockey’s premier conference is beyond me.

The Minnesota Golden Gophers are the Notre Dame of college hockey. Outstanding program with a long history of success, hated by everyone outside the Twin Cities. Their arch-rivals are the University of North Dakota Fighting [name to be determined but not printed here]. Minnesota Duluth a recent powerhouse is there, Wisconsin, Colorado College, Denver.. all great programs that are leaving. Minnesota and Wisconsin are leaving for a  new Big 10 Hockey conference where only 6 schools actually have hockey. And.. no one cares. North Dakota will join Duluth, the Colorado schools, Nebraska-Omaha in a new mid-west conference that only folks from Fargo and Grand Forks will care about.

This Big 10 thing screws up the CCHA as well as natural rivals Michigan, State, Northern and Western Michigan won’t play each other anymore.

I digress here.

So in St. Paul we have the championship game, which I’m thinking the Gophers will be in.. and when the Goph’s are playing on championship Saturday night the Excel is a 18,000 seat home rink that rocks down to it’s foundation. Their home rink on Campus only seats about 10,000 fans and has been sold out for years.

So that’s Saturday night.

Saturday afternoon at 1:00, in the same venue the NHL Minnesota Wild will be taking on the Carolina Hurricanes. So we’ll have a pile of college and pro hockey fans downtown at the same time. Looking at the calendar I see that all of this sports orgy goodness falls on Saturday, March 17. St. Patrick’s Day. No town in Minnesota does St. Patty’s like St. Paul. Former governor Jessie Ventura once was quoted as saying St. Paul streets were laid out by drunken Irishmen. Leaving aside the stereotype of drunks, St. Paul was a very Irish city back in the day.

So there you have it, three unrelated events coming together at the same time, in the same place; the Excel Energy Center in St. Paul.

I’m thinking smoldering ruins.

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February 28, 2012 · 10:33 pm

Weather Forecastinating- Minnesota’s Toughest Job

Nothing like the threat of a good storm in Minnesota, much more exciting than the actual participation in a storm.

We like our weather here. The year I moved here we experienced the coldest winter in Minnesota’s history, -40 degrees at our house, and that was before windchill. So cold that Mrs S snapped her key off in the lock of her mini-van at the grocery store parking lot one fine afternoon. I had to chain her to water heater for a few days until she settled down and stopped packing her stuff to move back to California. A very good friend of mine later than spring, when the -40’s were followed up with a particularly violent spring with massive thunderstorms, tornados and finally 100+ degree heat, she said to me “weather here is intense”.

And, more often the not, weather here is the news. Especially when there’s a storm brewing

For the last week or so we’ve been hearing about a massive storm headed our way. Once a long time ago, I would have been just the slightest bit concerned. No more

Here’s the pattern I’ve noticed-

Storm Day

SD – 10 days. At some point meteorologists will mentioning “computer models”.  The sentence looks like this; “Computer models are predicting a potential weather event for next Wednesday. At this point it’s looking significant”, and then the disclaimer “but you never know this far out.”

The pronouncement of “computer model” and “potential” means that all over the state weather professionals are “free to engage”. Let the forecastinating beging.

SD -7 Days. Now the updates are saying “next week we could have a pretty good snowfall ‘round here. But you never know, depends on the storm track.” In three days we’ve become more familier with the pending storm and have turned on the folksy voice while not forgetting the actual disclaimer. Seven days out I’m pretty sure we’re still considering predictive models because a week out any potential storm is still out in the Pacific somewhere

SD-5 Days. Now the meteorologists are getting more confident, confident enough to start saying the dreaded “inches” word. They’re also starting to update us on the storm on the radio at the top and the bottom of every hour. At this point the predictions almost always call for heavy snow in Northern Minnesota or along the Iowa border. My theory is this is the “safe” zone for predictive analysis. There aren’t many people in either spot so if they’re wrong, there are fewer phone calls and nasty notes in the mail.

No one is going to call a big crippling storm in the Twin Cities until…

SD-3D Days. Now we have enough predictive science, models, upper atmosphere data and crystal ball magic to stop saying potential and start saying significant storm. The discussion starts to take on a little panic. Updates come more often. Families start looking at calendars to see what they’ve got going on the predicted day of the storm, as well as a day or two after. I start thinking about gas for the snow blower and how I might get to work on Storm Day.

One myth I’m going to shed right now- snow days. In my company there has never been an official snow day. Early on the head of HR who would actually make the call lived in the Skyway, the system of walkways between buildings that connect downtown Minneapolis. For him there was never a reason to call a snow day. For folks in the suburbs.. at about 18inches it starts to get really hard to get around, personally that’s when I’d call it. 

SD-2Days Now the weather folks are talking “heaviest bands” of snow This is tempered by “depending on the exact track of the storm”. For those of us on the ground it’s time to go to the grocery store and stock up on canned food, candles, blankets and ammo ‘cause being snowed in for more than 5 hours could cause us to run out of basics, like we run our home inventory that close.

Well, obviously we don’t on most things… but there are a few- drumstick ice cream bars, good DVD’s, nacho’s, good scotch,  Oreo’s,  that sort of thing we do tend to have short supplies for some reason It’s always prudent to stock up as they say. Hell if we didn’t we might stuck eating fruits and veggies, always lots of those on hand.

SD -1 Day.. The weather folks are now butting into regular programming. Pictures from Montana and North Dakota confirm that there is in fact a storm coming our way. But, typically they’re not quite ready to commit. Personally I like the predictive graphics that start going up. They look like colorful topographic maps. 1”-3” white, 3”-6” light purple, 6”-9” purple 9”-12” darker purple, 12”+ deep dark scary purple.. the predicted storm bull’s-eye. If you live in the deep purple; pray. And get the blower started now just in case

Folks start glancing at the Western horizon looking for clouds. Usually the wind picks up, as the first clouds start rolling in. It can get a little foreboding around here by then. At this point Mrs S and I tell the kids we love them, I start moving appointments at the office, Mrs S cancels her appointments. I make sure to move up the dog grooming, we need to get that done before the storm hits.

The day before there is little conversation around the office other than the pending storm. My new favorite word “Snowmageddon”.

And then, here we are. Storm Day.  The forecast of snow has been changed to ice, which is actually rain and ice, the 12 inches of snow is now a steady soaking rain, and we’re all wondering what’s up for tomorrow, mere 8 hours from now.

Minnesota- theature of the seasons where the only job more complicated than economist is weather forecaster.

 

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January 11, 2012 · 10:16 pm

An Old Fashioned Winter

I love me a good old fashioned winter, just like the kind we used to have back when I was a kid.

Of course I grew up in California. Heh.. Some winter mornings, when my kids are especially whiny about walking to the bus in the cold I have to remind them that I had to ride my bike to school almost every day of my life. And before you start in with the “buts” and “waits”, let me assure you that there were some mornings in Stockton when we had some very heavy frosts.

You know, I had to learn to ride a bike with one hand because you know, I had to switch hands occasionally during my ride to school because my hand could get quite cold, would even turn a little pinkish if you left it out too long. And don’t get me started on my ears. I’ll tell you what.. playing golf in January and February, almost wasn’t worth it because of the pain you’d feel in your hands when you struck the ball wrong.

And those horrible years in Middle School when Coach Vinga would make us play volleyball outside in the winter, those sets would really hurt in the cold weather.

This winter in Minnesota I’ve found myself sort of reminiscing about winters in Stockton. The temps have been remarkable similar. OK, not exactly, it’s still a wee bit colder in Minnesota. But looking at the chart above, the fact that were even in teh same bands on some days is remarkable. It’s also a hell of a lot sunnier. Just because I’m from California doesn’t mean I don’t about winter, Northern California had it share of winter. We’d get a good solid two months of cold, some years two and quarter, two and half.

 

 

January and February were the coldest months. Figure lows in low 30′s high, high 20′s. Highs in the 40′s or 50′s.. depending on the fog. The famous Tule Fog.

Tule fog is some serious fog that forms in the Central Valley in California during late fall and winter. Visibility can drop to 20 feet. Because the mountains tend to hold back the wind, conditions can stabilize which means the fog could stick around for weeks on end. And thick fog?  I can remember standing on the sidewalk at the folks house and barely being able to make out the house. Seems like about once a winter there would be a 100 care pileup on the freeway thanks to 0 visibility.

Nothing like that worry about here. I would suggest however that a winter in Stockton, three weeks of damp wet fog, was more bone chilling that all but the coldest of weather here in Minnesota.

Of course in Stockton February was starting to get nice. The first year we lived in Minnesota I still remember looking out of my office window on April 2, the temperature on the bank thermometer at 2:14 in the afternoon, 2 degrees F, -16C.

The April chart I’m sure won’t be so favorable.

 

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November 15, 2011 · 9:20 pm

Life Support Systems Failure- Furnace and Cable TV, we’re in crisis here

The home life support system fritzed out this week. Lucky us that this year catastrophic furnace failure (CFF) occurred before it because really dangerous to go outside.. the minute count-down to death season doesn’t start here for another week. Although.. weather man says tonight in Agrestic Valley Minnesota we should get down to the high teens. Gotta replace the windbreaker with the mid-layered jacket. Hopefully the mid-range gloves are still in the pockets from when it was it last in the teens around here.. which was about May 10th I think.

One thing about living here, blood and skin are certainly thicker than they were in California.

When I got home from work I was happy to find that the house was 60 degrees. Mrs S was not amused.Mrs S gets awfully damned crabby when the ambient temperature in the house never gets over 60. When it drops to 50 it becomes my fault. This morning it was 61 in the house, normal late night temp, thanks to our energy saving setback thermostat, but by 5:30 it should have warmed up to winter temp of 68. There’s a difference between 61 and 68 when you step out of the shower in the morning.

I’ve done some studies with the local human population at my house and have created the following hypotheses:

62 is the magic number at night. Below that and the complaining around here gets out of control. Apparently some members of the family run to the can in the middle of the night and sitting on cold seat in a cold tile bathroom creates feelings of ill will towards the one member of the household who actually knows how to program the thermostat. I do have a three day level of service on programming changes (takes two days to find the stupid manual so I can actually make the schedule changes) which is fast by Cable TV and Car Repair standards but alas too long for raising the ambient temperature in the house.

68 is the magic number for temperatures during the day. Wearing a sweater and a muffler would solve this if they’d just give it a try but NOOO. Besides I’ve determined that the savings on our heating bills keeping the house at a sustainable eco friendly level are counter indicated by the 43 minute hot showers the kids and feel entitled to.

43 BTW.. the amount of time it takes to completely drain the mondo hot water heater in the basement. 37 minutes is the amount of time it takes to recharge the unit. Question, see the “shower appointment” schedule posted on the bathroom wall.

BTW, in the tradition of Stupid Arguments to Have With Kids aka How Take Minutes Of Dad’s Life category of hobbies.. and this would include such classics as “why do I have to brush my teeth”, “I swear I flushed” and of course “I don’t know how…, ‘the tv got shot with a bb gun, the tail light  got a hockey puck stuck in it, the swag lamp got pulled out of the ceiling, just to name a few. Anyway, a new one.. goes like this:

“Dear” to daughter, “If you keep taking 43 minute showers you will never ever see a polar bear in the wild. Help them honey, help them”. And she tears up and apologizes and assures me that it will never happen again and that she’s only going to take navy showers from now on and two days later I’m pounding on the door and yelling something about “you got in before the Office came on and now is the damned news GET OUT.

So like we do, I called my good friends at Centrepoint Energy to set up our annual CFF service call. I was informed that I can now schedule my appointments in convenient blocks of time. Cool. “What would you like Mr. Sankary?” Well.. Mrs S is going to be home around 2:00 how about 2:15. So you would like the 2:00 to 10:00 slot?

GDMNIT I knew it was too good to be true. “8 hours is the best you can do?” “yes Mr Sankary, we can get our call down to an 8 hour window”. “You don’t try very f’n hard do you”. Mrs s didn’t like my tone and neither did my BFF on the other end of the line. “do you want 8-4?” Now what bloody good is that going to do me. “We call your wife when we’re on our way if that helps.”  It sort of helps, except that getting her on the cell, in my experience, isn’t so easy.

You know, last night I was on the phone with the Cable people. Seems the picture vanished and the remote wasn’t working and G-d knows what else. Again.. minutes.. minutes lost off this old mans already shortened life. “Mr Sankary I would like you to unplug the cable box, wait 15 seconds and then plug it back in.” Why is that the answer for every piece of technology on the planet?

I barked at my son who was behind the TV and super crabby that he’d missed the first 3 episodes in the Rob Dydrek Fantasy Factory marathon on MTV. The same one they run every day that ends in F’n Y.

“Unplug the box, no the cable box, I don’t know which one it is..” then the lady “Sir not the actual cable I want you to unplug the power cord.” “gotcha we’re working on it”. “the power cord the one that plugs into the outlet”. “Yup, there’s like 7 power cords back there.. just a second”. “the outlet is the white thing on the wall sir, unplug that cord”

snap….

“Just a second kid” to my son, then into the phone “Lady, I’m not a moron over here I know what a power cord is I’m trying not to unplug my home dialysis machine and or my blender because if I don’t drink a margarita every 20 minutes I can’t talk to bitchy support broads. Like U J K?”

Whew. I don’t blame her for hanging up on me, but I’d like to know why the after call survey thing didn’t come up. Weird.

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July 18, 2011 · 9:11 am

From the Tropics of Minnesota

Highest dew point in Minnesota history yesterday. More on tap for today. And more on tap for Tuesday, and Wednesday.

When I headed out into the backyard to brave feeding the fish in the pond on Sunday afternoon, it was downright tropical outside.  Felt tropical and oddly enough, smelled tropical, smelled like I was in Hawai’I only without the wiffs of plumeria that say “You’re in Hawai’I”. This here it was more the kind of tropical that says “your shirt is rotting on your back”.

Uh.

I grew up in a rather heated climate where 110 plus in the summer wasn’t unheard off. I remember one case where my home town was the hottest spot in the United States, 118 degrees. But, as the say it was a dry heat. Walking out side in the Central California scorching heat was more like walking into a oven while this heat  is more akin to putting a steaming towel on your face and trying to breathe through it.

Other than the blistering buns on the bottom of your feet from running across the street to the neighbors pool barefoot, or the scorching your hands would get grabbing a steering wheel at 200 degrees, it wasn’t as bad it sounds. And certainly not as bad as this humid hotness.

Added misery, we big fat gentlemen of certain vintage tend to perspire in this weather, a lot. As a kid I remember going to play golf or fish in 100 degree weather. As long as you drank a lot of water you were fine. The sweat would evaporate instantly as the atmosphere was starved for water, humidity was in the low teens, here the air is fully saturated and all that sweat has no where to go except down your face an onto your clothes where it meets the sweat that originated on your torso and creates a big nasty moist feeling that you’re the main course in some sort of fat guy stew.

Oh, and last kvetch- makes my glasses slide of my head due to the perspiration on my nose and ears. Which could be in fact, the single most annoying part of this whole experience.

According to the weather folks we have another three days of Amazon weather here in Minnesota. We’re all complaining, more complaining that we do when it’s 100 degrees in the other direction. We aren’t made for this. Today the forecast for Minneapolis is warmer and higher dew points than Houston Texas for G-ds sake. HOUSTON, the town that has been in a slow rot for 100 years thanks to constant humidity.

Then again, as payback for all the laughing we do in the winter watching news footage from places like Kansas City an Washington DC and Houston Texas, when they get a little snow or ice and here are the poor souls scraping their windshields with an ATM card, shivering in their parka’s and mufflers in the 30 degree weather, we got called out yesterday by Bruce Hagevik, CCO’s weekend guy “you know” he pointed out, regarding all the whining that was going around here yesterday, and I was certainly in that chorus, “you know what they call a day like this in Kansas City” he asked. “They call it ‘Sunday’ in summer”.

Point taken, shut up and move on.

So, son and I left the lake, where we don’t have air conditioning and where I’d burned out the motors on two fans from sitting on them trying to cool off and returned to Apple Valley, where we found our home AC had been set to 77 degree by Mrs S, who had just departed for a college visit in uh.. Alabama where they also call days like yesterday “Sunday”, just Sunday mind you, not even “hot” Sunday.

Two weeks ago 77 in the house would have been called uncomfortable by me. When the difference between the inside and outside was almost 30 degrees however, it was refreshing. But just to be sure, and since Mrs S isn’t home, I set the thermostat to a more comfortable 67, cranked up the power and prepared for the neighborhood brown out. My plan was to have our house down to a really nice and cold just a bit warmer than the inside of the fridge before the power grid fails, with the windows closed and the house darker than a stoner kids 70’s era bedroom (that was the time when foil on the windows was more common than it is now) we’d be able to escape the heat.

And the biggest difference between the 100 degree humid days in Minnesota and 118 degree hottttt days in Stockton California? At 9:00 at night, in the Midwest it’s still hotter than hell. In Stockton the hotter it got during the day, faster all that hot air rises into the atmosphere and what comes in to replaces it, often at 30 MPH, fresh natural sea cooled air off the Pacific Ocean, where the temps at beach are almost never more than 65 degrees.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have some of that sea air about right now.

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