Tag Archives: macy’s

Eat’n With the Fat Man- Chicken Paprika

Haven’t posted an eating column in a long time. Truth be told I’ve been in a bit of a culinary rut. Same damned things, same rotation, if I’d post the menu in the weekly paper you’d think you were in school, it’s that regular. Or a prison, depending on your choice of institutions. Around here, some days the differences are difficult to discern.

After dealing with the exploding Martha Stewart Pot, the one that I bought a Macy’s, that most loathsome of stores.. BTW, Mrs S us after heading over to Macy’s for some stupid reason, came so disgusted with the staff there that even she.. the paragon of etiquette had some decent venom. Anyway, after dealing with the pot I did manage to get a new one that I really like. Thank you Lodge Logic. A very nice 5.5 quart enameled cast iron thing that is perfect size and a very lovely blue.

What to make? Well if it’s Sunday at the casa I’m probably doing something with chicken, and of late that something involves paprika. I’ve been looking for the perfect chicken paprika and have been subjecting the family to my experiments. Here’s what I’ve learned…

1) The most important part of the recipe is, and sit down for this, paprika. And there’s a ton of different ones out there. Here’s another shocker for ye. And this surprised me quite frankly, Szeged, the stuff in the white and red can, the stuff that I’ve been touting for years, kinda sucks. Not even close to the better ones in my test. The flavors are too muted. On the other hand, Byerlys has an outstanding house brand that bursts with aroma and flavor. Archer Farms at Target is pretty good too, and the CoOp’s own bulk.. uh.. well at my coop, it paled a bit. Supposedly there’s a spice store in Lakeville that I’m told I need to get into. Maybe this weekend if I can figure out where it is.

And as we talk paprika, there are three kinds I tested, sweet, aka regular, smoked and hot. Now for the hot paprika, Szeged was the only option and I gotta say, a little of that goes a long way. It’s got some decent punch, I use it in Moroccan chicken. I thought I posted the recipe here, apparently not. If you want it, ask.

One more thing on paprika, I swear it is the fastest spice in the cabinet to fade away. After a few months even the best seems to lose it’s punch and fade into a tasteless red powder that would be pretty popular in Minnesota where salt is often called a spice. I date jars of the stuff and toss it after about two or three months. Wasteful? It’s $4.00.. so yeah but who cares.

The other thing which if you’re keeping score, is #2.. that cast iron enamel cooking pot. Because.. a) you can do the browning and the cooking in the same pot, which means all those delicious flavor molecules stay in where they belong, in the pot. The other thing, I’ve started finishing the dish in a 350 oven, and this makes that process work pretty well.

OK just a pointer here, I’m 100% better in the kitchen these days than I was even 18 months ago because I’ve leaned a bit of a golden rule in the culinary world, and that is.. Less, is MORE. I used throw everything I owned into a dish; celery, carrots, onions, potatoes, garlic,  spinach, rice,  guinea pig, you name it, it went in. Now.. I’m pretty lean.

And when I tweak.. I tweak one thing at a time. So here we go.

Since it’s called chicken paprika, you will need some dead birds.. Personally I love chicken thighs and seem to use those a bunch. For this recipe however they’re absolutely perfect. Typically I’d use the bone in thighs.. but when my local grocer was out of the bone in thighs I tried the bone-less. I’ll say this, while they were easier to use, and easy to eat.. they weren’t quite as tasty. Something was missing. They didn’t have that earthy flavor that I like in dark meat.

I recommend bone in thighs, but if you can’t get them.. not a big deal.

Regarding the paprika..This recipe will call for 4 teaspoons of your favorite paprika powder.

Like regular light red paprika with mild flavor? Go with the sweet, again, 4 teaspoons.

Like smokey flavor like I do.. go with the smoked paprika. The broth this makes is a beautiful dark red almost burgundy.

Want more heat in the dish and your spice adverse daughter is sleeping over at a friends house.. and this will be a little hot, try 3 TSP sweet paprika, 1 TSP chipolte chili powder. That mix was pretty tasty; hot and smoky like a good Winston, only without the cig flavor. Kidding. It’s hot and delicious but not for everyone. Reminds me of Mrs S for some reason…

No more screwing around here’s the recipe.

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8-10 thighs from the most tender virgin chickens… Aren’t all meat chickens virgins? Just say’n.

1 Large yellow onion, chopped corse.  That means cut in half, sliced thin and once across. Sank’s corse.

One red pepper, chopped into strips

One yellow pepper, same deal.

One Green Pepper, stripped as well. 

4 Cloves of garlic, smashed with a rolling pin on the floor between two sheets of saran wrap. That’s how my Mom did it, she’d never heard of a garlic press so that’s how I do it around here on Garlic Heritage Nights. If you’re lazy use a press.

1 Can chopped tomatos- 14.5 OZ size, drained. 

1/2 Cup dry white wine for the pot, 1 cup for the cook. Seriously only put 1/2 cup in the pot. 

Half a palm of House Seasoning. (TSP and a half roughly) If you’ve forgotten what this is or if you’re a new reader drop me a .. never mind. this is always premixed and around the house in quantity. 1/2 measure kosher salt, 1/4 measure black pepper, 1/4 measure garlic powder and that equals 1 measure of the stuff that I put on everything.

4 TSP Paprika mixture of your choice see above

1 TSP flour

1 TSP Marjoram. 

Olive Oil-  I never measure this, I use enough.. a bit more and you live a longer so enjoy.

Preheat oven to 350.

In the Dutch Oven-Heat a bit of oil in the bottom of the pan. Once or twice around is about right. While that’s heating up, dry the chicken and season with the house seasoning.

Brown the chicken in the bottom of the pan. 5 minutes per side. It takes two shifts in my pan. Remove the chicken an put it on a plate. Pour out all but about 1 tablespoon of the chicken fat. Add a tish more oil and add the onions and the garlic.

While the onions are cooking remove the skin from the chicken. Mrs S likes me to feed those to the dog because she believes that will shorten his life. Do what ever you feel right about, but I will tell you, if the dog doesn’t get at least one skin, he will bite my leg.

When the onions are soft add the peppers and stir. After about 5 minutes the peppers are softened then add the paprika and the marjoram and the flour and stir well for about 30 seconds. Don’t look directly into the pot, especially if you’re using the chipolte pepper powder, you’ll get a little chipolte pepper spray experience. Cooking is such a blast. Have your kid check it..heh.

Add the drained can of tomatoes and the wine. Remember 1/2 cup in the pot, 1 cup down your hatch. Using a nice wooden spatula scape up all the bits off the bottom of the pan and stir well. Add the now skinless chicken back to the pot, cover and put’r in the oven for about 45 minutes or until the chicken is done. Should be well done after 45 minutes.

Remove from the oven. Remove the chicken from the pan, bring the pot to a simmer and add a rough approximation of 1/3 of a cup of sour cream to the pot and whisk like a sunofabitch to get the lumps out. Place the chicken on plates and spoon the sauce and veggies over the chicken.

There ya go… a new family favorite- old world cooking made easy.

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A Practical Application of a Jungian Personality Type- The “Returner”

Now that Carl Jung has confirmed what I’ve always known, that I’m strategic and all it was time to put my strategiery to use; some way, some how to achieve the unachievable. I engaged in a plan to secure nothing less than a cash refund from a major department store, sans receipt. Yes folks no gift card, no credit,  nothing less than brass in pocket. Let the game begin.

Mrs S.. not really up for the task, but she wished me the best, asked me what I needed. I need a receipt, which we didn’t have. Give me something close meaning a receipt with an item that was kinda like the one I was returning but not exactly. She found which was involved in the original transaction but not the one that would guarantee cash. It was good enough. “Leave it to me” and off I went.

Little background. A couple weeks ago the handle on my most beloved of pots, my Martha Stewart enameled Dutch oven, came off. The screw was stripped my yours truly when trying to tighten it down to get the play out of it, I hate play, and I stripped the thing and broke it off. Since the lid weighs about 4 pounds it’s not exactly convenient to not have a handle on it, matter of fact I steamed my hand a couple times trying various workarounds. Gotta fix it.

Going on line to see if there was a way to get parts for the deal I discovered some great news. The Martha Stewart Collection of enameled cookware at Macy’s has been recalled due some explosive paint issue of some kind. Customers are asked to stop using the pots immediately and return them, at once, to the nearest Macy’s for a full refund.

Worth noting that it’s the “long lost recall” week at the Sankary household, Mrs S’s ancient first generation iPod Nano has also been recalled due to a battery issue that can make the thing glow red and burn it’s way though the bottom of a purse, pocket or hardwood floor. Apple had a site where you can enter the serial number and see if you win a new iPod. We did.

On a side note here, we Sankary’s seem to have a knack for these things. We’re never going to win the lottery, but we do seem to win our fair share of these little things. And since I believe in the rule of three I can’t wait to see what’s next to be replaced. Hoping it’s my memory or my libido..

Mrs S was kind enough to return the pot, which BTW, is the single most used pot in the house. I don’t know exactly where the Macy’s in our town is, having not been there in a decade or so. I have no use for a department store, I tend towards the cheap in clothes and supplies. I also don’t like going to more than one store a week, so I need to go to one that has grocery and supplies. Macy’s is not that store.

Macy’s is also at the mall. I haven’t been to our local mall in a couple years. If I’m going to put myself through the aggravation and frustration of a mall, I’ll just go all in and visit the largest mall in the United States, the Mall of America and get it over with all at once. I don’t like malls because a) parking and b) walking around malls causes me to encounter hordes of the unwashed. My mind tends to spin out of control with blogs and comments when I encounter  the masses of overweight, neck tatted, sweats in public wearing mullet heads dragging their offspring with them as they go from store to store, unable to read the names of the store but happy to spend $175 for a new football jersey to wear to church. On the other hand, perhaps I should go, it’s a rich mine of material.

Harsh? You bet, but it is what it is. I prefer to saunter through locally owned businesses that smell like scented candles, talking with Birkenstock wearing store owners while mulling a glass of white wine in my hand and paying 4X too much things. Either that or  I prefer to bite the bullet and make one trip a week to one store that has everything cheap and do my purchasing that way. It’s just one more example of my trend towards the extremes, one way or the other. Live on a farm or an urban condo. Suburbs suck.

So, back to the narrative. Mrs S did the original return. I wasn’t with her at the time, but some way, some how she returned the Martha Stewart pot , and a gift card was involved in the process. She then then spent even more on a new enameled pot, only to discover that our local big box discounter has the identical item for $65.00 cheaper. $65.00 is serious coin, worth channeling my inner asshole to a Department store clerk for. So I agreed to attempt the exchange, I’m better at assholidness in public than she is.

In I went to Macy’s, 40lb pot in one hand, wrong receipt in the other and up to the clerk I went.

At the question “can I help you?” I started in on the rehearsed speech.

“I recently returned one of your Martha Stewart exploding enameled cookware pots ( there was even a sign on the register noting the recall. Good sign), which thank goodness never exploded in our home.” She nodded. “My dear wife, in the return process, exchanged that pot for this one. However, she did not realize that in the mean time I had purchased this exact same pot at another one of your fine stores, and I uh don’t need two”

No problemo.

“Glad to help you sir, I can issue you a gift card.”

Game on.

“Yeah about that. I really can’t use a gift card, was it your policy to return the killer pots for gift cards?”

“no sir but you don’t have a receipt.”

“I do, I have this” and I handed her the wrong receipt. Which she scanned. This caused her register to start flashing red warning lights and it started making high pitched alarm sounds. “Sir this isn’t the correct receipt.”

“Whaaaa?”  I said, feigning surprise.

“Sir, this is the receipt for the original return and it shows that your wife received a gift card. I can only offer you a gift card, I’m sorry.”

Escalation.

“Oh my goodness. You know, I really can’t use a gift card. My wife must have given me the wrong one. Boy I don’t know exactly what she handed me, I can’t read since my accident. She did say that I should come home with cash.. is there anyway, since my life was in danger for three years due my daily use of the other pot, that I you can help me. I don’t want to make her angry, you wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.”

She looked at me, quick assessment. I made my pathetic husband face, squirted out half a tear..

“lemmie call a manager.”

We were making progress.

It took about 25 minutes for the manager to make it over to the counter. In that time the clerk, who was very nice BTW, asked me if I wanted to go over to another counter as she was taking a call from another customer. “Naw, ‘don’t want to start over.” Honest answer.

I waited, patiently, never taking my eyes off the clerk and doing my best lights on but nobodies home smile.

Never mind that I did start over when the manager, a 50 something lady with those half lens reader glasses on a chain around her neck, you know the kind, they’re the ones people peer down at stuff with .. her 6’ stature belied her gentle appearance, she was clearly.. a tough broad.

“Put down the phone” to the clerk, “ring those customers” to the other clerk and then, slowly turned to me, pulled the glasses up to her nose and said, in way that intonated she was trying really hard but not all together sincere, “what, can I do for you?” and fired off a look.

Thankfully I’m inoculated from the look from anyone except my wife, and perhaps a few women in the office. Do your worst baby.

And I started over. Story of woe, dumb husband, wrong receipt, and I added that my Metro Mobility bus was coming in a few minutes so “could we wrap this up?” (that let her know that I was additionally handicapped)

She peered down through the half lenses at the receipt, “You have the wrong receipt here sir, we can only offer you a giftcard.”

I waved my hand and did my best Alec Guinness, “These are not the droids you’re looking for”.. “what?” I had to try. “Ma’am, I can’t use a gift card,. My wife has instructed me to only..”

“ Sir, your wife gave you the wrong receipt. You can use the card online or at here it’s like cash.”

“But it’s not cash so we can’t use it to buy formula for our new labradoodle puppies we raise to pay the rent on the trailer. I need cash.”

Stare down. I did my best to return fire. She blinked. “I’m sorry sir, with out a receipt…

Def com III

“OK Helga, here’s the deal, I have no idea why my wife would have exchanged anything for a gift card, but I’m guessing it’s because someone here in your store couldn’t figure out how to return the defective pot, which I assure you had no receipt. Matter of fact we wouldn’t be returning it if the 12 year old in China your company hired in Martha Stewarts name to paint the thing  had used the proper paint.My guess is the clerk didn’t know how to do it and instead, looking for an easy way out, concocted a transaction that involved no receipts and a gift card to make it easy on him or her, but in fact, I just should have got cash at the beginning of this mess…

Fact is I didn’t want to return the original pot. And fact is I then purchased another item, a higher priced item because I need a pot like this, and while I don’ t hate your store, yet. Fact is I bought two and now you’re telling me that I’m going to be punished because of a string of errors of judgment on your companies part, starting with the wrong enamel and ending with a confused register jockey. How am I tracking Ma’am”.

She stared at me, eyes all squinty and angry like. I’m sure she wished I was her husband ‘cause she would’a liked to unload on me.

But she couldn’t and she only peer at me through her half lens glasses, and I just I smiled back. “You uh have two pots?” technically there are two pots in my cupboard. “yes”. “Ok we can make an exception this time”.

Which is how I walked out of Macy’s happy and with my cash.

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Cook’n Wit Da Fat Man- My Kitchen Basics

Kitchen Basics-

I had a chance to update my assortment of cooking stuff recently and wanted to share what I came up with, and how I’m using them. Now, I’m not quite starting from scratch, but close enough. My collection of pots and pans and utilities consisted of the remnants of a few different sets of pots that we’ve purchased over the years, dregs and survivors mostly.

So off I went to restock my kitchen the way I like it.

Things I had to have-

New Garlic Press- Now, I’ve had some good ones and I’ve had some bad ones. Since I was at Target, I opted for the Michael Graves version. Michael Graves is one of Target’s designer partners who have put together some very cool and very functional items, matching design and usability. Neat stuff, especially the coffee maker and the teapot. I wanna like all his stuff, but, sorry to say, on this item.. total fail. The Graves press is difficult to use because 1) the square shape doesn’t hold a large garlic clove very well, and 2) when I pressed down on a particularly big clove.. the handles bent. FAIL. So, I got to find one like the one I had a few years ago, one piece of steel. with oversized old guy handles well equipped for someone who’s got arthritis. I loved that one until some jackass in the family took my suggestion and used it to strain ginger through it and subsequently broke both handles off. Not so good for ginger, great for garlic.

Cutting board- I’ve had a couple over the years and tend to go with the thick white plastic versions. DO NOT like the thin ones that kind of fold up.. we have a couple of those at the lake. They’re at the lake because I cut them from the prime time team at home. The one I found had black plastic handles that helped “stick” it to the counter. Handy. I bought two, one for meat and one for veggies and dairy. It’s made by Oneida and runs about $25.00, worth the extra.

Knives – I’ve spent a stimulus package of cash on kitchen knives in the last 30 years I’ve had a kitchen of my own. Not including wedding presents from a quarter century ago, we’ve had Wustoff, Chicago Cutlery, ceramic, steel, Cutco, ronko, Buck and OldTimer knives. Common theme, they all cut stuff. They do it better when you first buy, crappier after several years.  Chicago Cutlery in particular didn’t even cut stuff well when I first bought them. A few years ago I had a big epiphany in the knife department.

While at a fishing/outdoor show thing many many years ago, I got suckered into the ginsu demo and bought a couple ginsu all purpose bread like serrated knives. Bought one for the lake and one home, I think it was a BOGO deal. Well, guess what. After a few months I found that I was going to my ginsu’s almost exclusively, cheapest knives in the drawer got the most use. I’m never spending $700 on a knife again. I picked up a set of Henckel Santoku knives, came in pack of two, for about $20.00. These were very decent knives, stainless, one piece of steel, through the handle..

Two years later I couldn’t be happier with them. Also, they’re still sharp, my left thumb is about 1/16” inch shorter now they’re so sharp. And after a couple years the handle on one is getting lose, and rather than fret about it.. I’ll toss it and get a new one. I’m only out $15.00.

Pots and Pans

Here we go, where the rubber hits the road.

First up- fry pan: At the lake I have a lodge logic cast iron fry pan that like more than two of my kids. The thing is perfectly seasoned after 10 years of use and never having washed it. The patina makes it the finest non-stick surface on the planet. I do everything from eggs and pancakes to deep fried bluegill in it. And, never clean it, other than a quick hot water wash. When you borrow my cabin, you get a  welcome packet that talks about how to use the appliances, entertainment stuff, well and potties, and.. starts with the admonition “DO NOT WASH THE FRY PAN”. Just say’n.

I had a roommate in college who ate fried sausage 3X a day for the 4 years. BTW, he is still alive, a testament to being German and predisposed to sausage. He didn’t clean his sausage fry pan the entire two years I knew him. He’d cook the meat, wipe it down with a paper towel and toss it back in the cupboard. At the time I thought it was kinda disgusting. Then again I came from a household where everything was polished and shined to with in an inch of it’s life.

AN INCH.

Even the only cast iron thing we had.. a small pan that was constantly scrubbed until it was shiny and, as I’ve learned now.. useless.

Turns out, the roommate was a genius. Actually pre-genius, his true genius would come out later, and people pay him a couple hundred large every time he speaks, in my book, that’s a genius.

I get told to shut the hell up. That, is being a moron. But I am comfy with it.

Anyway.. Here’s the deal on fry pans, in my experience.

1)     Cast Iron forever. The beauty of a dirty cast iron pan.. not dirty but seasoned, is that they are essentially non-stick, and as we’re learning, non-stick with no carcinogens spreading coatings. And while that’s nice and convenient and all, seasoned cast iron allows food, and specifically meats, to char a bit with out foaming up, which adds lots of flavors. And for breakfasts.. they can’t be beat. Oh.. Lodge Logic is the cast iron of choice at Casa Del Sankary.. it’s sturdy as hell, maybe a week bit too sturdy as it’s heavy as heck and inexpensive. $20.00 for a 12” pan at Target.

2)     There is a role for non-stick pans. You don’t need the best of the best.. but don’t go totally cheap either. The cheapo pans lose their coating quickly, and stuff sticks to them and who knows what you’re ingesting. I like the T-Fal pans I found, they were pretty inexpensive, but the coatings were quality and pans were decent. Plus the had a little red spot in the middle that changes shape when heated to let you know that the pan is ready to go. I know a little water does the same thing. One more thing, I knew I liked them, but when America’s Test kitchen rated them as a best buy I figured I had good taste.

3)     Stainless. I have one deep-dish stainless pan that I use for curries and paella and such. It’s from Cuisinart. I like it.. I use it, but you really have to watch the heat on it or you’re going to burn stuff and, permanently stick them to the bottom of the pan. Which is a bitch. You wind up soaking it, heating it up, soaking it some more.. The thing that keeps s me coming back to it over and over again; the tight fitting top that holds in steam. A great one-pot meal thing.

Dutch Oven

-        My Martha Stewart Cast Iron enameled Dutch Oven, and this was from Macy’s, which knocks off the LeCruscent cookware that’s about 4X the price, is the single most useful cooking pot in my kitchen, BAR NONE. Kid you not. I use it for more things than any other pot or pan I own.

The beauty of the thing.. you can brown meats and onions in the thing, add ingredients and liquids, cook stove top, cover and put in the oven.. chili, soup, rice dishes, deep fryer, roaster, pot roast, coq au vin, Moroccan Chicken, beef stew, it’s all there, in one pot, no muss no fuss. If you get nothing else on this list, get one of these.

Sautee

-        Allclad. Well the Cuisinart knockoff that’s made the same way. Allclad is a stainless pot that comes come 3, 5 and 12-quart sizes I think. It’s basically a copper pot inside a stainless pot, which means the heat is even distributed throughout the ENTIRE pot, not just the bottom. Since a real Allclad 5 quart pot goes for about $200.00 I looked for a reasonable knock off. T-fal makes a lookalike, but it’s only got the copper on the bottom. Cuisinart has a real knockoff that uses an aluminum core that heats uniformly across the sides and so forth. Same principal only at $60.00 or so at Macy’s, a much better deal.

-        I also keep a small 1-quart pan to heat butter, olive oil.. basics for adding ingredients to other stuff. Mine is a Target T-Fal.

Wok

-        I did replace my wok, my original stainless wok from San Francisco that I got at a Chinese restaurant supply. Ya must have a decent wok to make any kind of Asian food, and since we tend to like Korean, especially Bimbim Bop.. had to have one.

-        Problem with a wok, as I’ve noted here, you can’t really get them hot enough on a home stove, especially a home stove with glass top. Never going to happen. I bought a green version from Target, $30.00.. sits on the glass with a flat bottom, important to help get the heat required. BTW, used it recently to make beef with broccoli, fantastic.

And that, is how I retooled my kitchen. The rest of the stuff, measuring cups, spatulas, etc.. get what ever you like, just do yourself a favor and actually pick the utensil up and get a feel for it in your hands. I bought a peeler a while back that I didn’t do that with, thing was a piece of crap that actually hurt my hands to use. In cooking gadgets, a test drive goes a long way.

 

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