Nothing bonds a family like a good old-fashioned water fight. Yesterday was pretty hot and steamy at the lake. Temps were about 90, humidity was approaching 70%. Miserable day if you ask me and, yeah you Texican’s, I’m a heat wimp. After dinner and round of bocce with the kids I had had enough and for the first time in two years, Big Sanky took a jump in the lake. It wasn’t pretty.
When I walked down to the lake from the house in my swim suit the neighbors quickly picked up their dinners, rounded up their kids and took their picnics inside, casting disapproving looks at the land-beluga heading for the water. The dog headed for his hidey-hole under the table. He remembered from two years ago that when fat guy goes swimming, his number often comes up for “swim-buddy”. So he wasn’t getting near the water.
Mrs S. shielded her eyes.. “that’s a WHOLE LOTTA WHITE” was her comment. When I walk topless there’s some involuntary movement of flesh around the torso, it’s pretty disgusting. Not so disgusting that I would put down 2,000 empty calories in the form of bourbon however, but that’s me.
It got down to the dock, dropped the towel and dove in, I’m sure the lake level fluctuated a bit after my big dive.
My next word.. the F word. Long and LOUD, but since I was underwater at the time, no one heard it. Seems that with all the rain and such. Water temp in the lake was hovering right at 72 degrees. Chilly. Really a shock to an old fat guys system. Not so cold that you can’t get used to it.
See Father in the water, Daughter thought it would be fun to come down to the water with a squirt gun and fired of a salvo at me.. now the wisdom of squirting guy who is in the water when you are high and dry, and dressed, on the dock.. I can only do so much to raise them, they gotta learn some things on their own.
Not to mention there’s a pretty good section of lake weeds just off our dock, which you can wrap round your hand pretty well and use for a projectile. Which I did. With incredible accuracy. Thank you very much.
She ran up and got a better gun, the one that looked like a noodle, with the pump thing. We have two of those; don’t know where they came from, but they sure are effective, both for quantity of water delivered, range and ease of reloading. After taking a few shots to the chest she went in to change into a bathing suit. Number 1 Son, who apparently didn’t see what was going on down on the dock came walking down to look at the water. Hah. I quietly slid under the dock and loaded my weapon. He came down, looked around and made the mistake of saying “Dad?”
I don’t know if he was concerned that he couldn’t see me in the water and was thinking the worst or not, but based on the next chain of events, he’ll never worry again, rather he’ll hope for the worst. Like a Navy Seal I worked my way under the dock until I was about half way down. The kid walked out to the end of the dock, it’s a 24 foot dock BTW, and was looking for me in the water. In my stealthiest imitation of the Creature From The Black Lagoon I came up slowly behind him.. this was gonna be a Sank triumph, and he had no idea.
Sad thing is the stupid kid has no sense of humor. Shirts dry out and you don’t melt just because you took a full load lake water at high PSI right between the shoulder blades. It was, frankly, a bit embarrassing to see him whine like his sister as he ran off the dock, and through my second shot BTW and up on the lawn. Well, he was upset and I acknowledged his feelings. I was thinking about apologizing when I realized that I had unconsciously reloaded. The next shot gave him the appearance of a person with a very severe case of incontinence. He was really pissed now.. uh at least he looked pissed haha. Well I thought he was pissed before and I suppose my laughing away didn’t help the situation and he stomped off to the house. No Dad likes to see a 19 year old yelling MOM at the top of his lungs.
That was it for him. The other son, however, who is more like me that even I care to admit, had been lurking behind that pontoon boat, he is always keen to get into when water is involved. He also has a good aim. The water ballon that came out of nowhere took out the left side of my face we very well executed. I NEVER saw it coming. Sort of stung to. And from there all hell broke lose and for about 45 minutes we were completely engulfed in total joyous mayhem, except for the oldest who continued to crab about his wet shirt and is irresponsible Father.
It’s best to have more then one kid to make sure you have all your bases covered.