Tag Archives: dad

June 1, 2012 · 10:33 pm

Advice to the New Graduate

You can’t have a graduation in your family without stopping for at least a little bit

Red,

As you walk across that stage on Saturday, clad in your Apple Valley cap and gown, resplendent in shades of brown, look out on the crowd and know that as good as this feels,

It’s only the beginning.

It think Dr. Suess said it best:

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

Dude, you’re making a big leap from the friendly confines of hearth and home to big wild world. Before you go I encourage you look out from the stage and take pause. Your friends and family are in that crowd somewhere, cheering for you, but this isn’t where you future lies.

You’ve set yourself up to do great things, to go to new places, to see more of the world and I couldn’t be prouder of the courage and fortitude it took to make those choices. I’m proud of your accomplishments and I’m happy to help you anyway I can. Do you best and know you have our support.

In a few short months you’ll be packing your things heading south. Here’s what my experience has taught me;

  • Be yourself. You’ll never be happy trying to be something you aren’t.
  • Find something you love. Money is a short term motivator. It makes some things easier but it doesn’t guarantee happiness.
  • Don’t look back. The past is the past, mistakes and triumphs. What you’ve done may set you up for your future, but at the same time it shouldn’t dictate it course. It’s hard to understand now but I’m 99% certain that the lifetime friends you’re going to make, the people who will shape you and make you into person you’re going to become, well son, you haven’t met them yet. It’s not too likely they’re in that crowd in front of you. Look ahead.
  • Take risks. The world reinvents itself faster now than at any time in human history, it’s more important to understand where we’re going than where we’ve been. It’s far easier to take risks now than it will be when you’re fat and old.
  • Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. Don’t feel guilty if you’ve truly, in your heart, followed this rule.
  • Don’t subscribe to dogma and superstation, in the end none of that really matters. Culture and traditions are neat, but also, in the end, don’t matter.
  • It takes 10,000 hours to be an expert at something. That’s about 5 years of practice. Don’t pretend to be an expert until you’ve put in your time.
  • Listen well. Always and to everyone.
  • Have humility. Laugh at no one except yourself. We’re all just a couple bad breaks away from sleeping in bus stations.
  • Seek out opportunities to good in the world. They’re all around you. Hold open doors for others, assume you’re wrong and take care of your friends. Nothing bad ever happened from spreading some good karma.
  • Everything you do from your first day in college on matters, so do it to the best of your ability.
  • Don’t get any tattoos they’re ugly, you’ll regret them and I’ll disown you.
  • A little of everything goes a long way, to much of anything will wreck you.
  • Some people fill your bucket, some people empty, surround yourself with fillers. Life’s to short for downers, even ones you’re related to.
  • Vote Democrat or don’t vote at all, the alternative is….
  • Family is not the most important thing in the world. Friends and the relationships you make are.
  • Don’t waste your time on stupid arguments or irrelevant discussion. Learn to be polite and to walk away.
  • The poor are among us. Feed the poor.

Other than that fly right, live clean and let your works be seen as the great Bob Marley says.

So that’s it. Have fun tomorrow. Enjoy your day, but don’t get to excited ’cause the best things in life haven’t even begun yet.

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March 7, 2012 · 9:34 pm

Solo wit da Teens

Solo parenting this week. Mrs S and the Eldest Heir are in California visiting Grandma and touring Stanford. Kid said he likes Stanford. Says it’s a nice campus. What a stretch on his part. That’s like saying Kobe Bryant might make it in the NBA one day.

Dink.

I had a very busy week planned before I learned that it intersected with this travel schedule. Monday I had tickets to the sold out, hot ticket Timberwolves game. I was really looking forward to it too, love me some Blake Griffith. Didn’t work out though. Sunday night the boy got home from the play at the very school friendly time of 12:30. Or so he told me, I was fast asleep, the street lights having been on for over five hours by that point.

That’s one thing I hate about the Apple Valley Theatre. They have no respect for the kids or their academic careers. As opposed to sports where they do care and have actually limits on how much time kids can spend doing the activity. Not so on the crew. Apparently they’re allowed to keep working until someone says they’re done.

And the kid is more afraid of some broad at the school than he is of his own Mother. I don’t get that, I’m scared of her and the fact that he isn’t as scared of her as he should be, makes her a little crabby.

So there was no way I was going to take him to the game.. good thing to. He sat down to watch it with me and was out by the end of the 1st quarter. Reminds my of my pre-CPAP days.

The girl was doing homework. I had received a text from the Warden during the day, “Crack the whip on the books”. Okie Dokie…

She got home from school about 6:00, I asked if she wanted to go out to eat or did she want me to go get take out. “Take out Dad, I have a lot of homework.” Ok. Nice to see some responsible behaviors for a change. After about an hour or so of messing around I decided it was a bit to quiet and went up to check.

yeah good think I didn’t go to the game. Justin Bieber on the iPad.

“But Daaaaad I’m taking a break.”

“Your story would be more credible dear if there was actually a book in this room.” She looked around, realized she’d been busted and back downstairs she went, pouting the whole way.

When I ratted on her to the Warden… not really to make her look bad more to demonstrate to Mrs S what a great parent I am, I was told to take the iPad for the week, and kick some ass.

p-shaw.

Tuesday night was supposed to be masons, more ass kicking. Both of them, papers and finals.

This morning I was entertained by the following call:

“Dad I need $5.00 for a pizza party.”
Realize that I’m at work.

“There’s a tenner sitting on the counter, take that.”

Call back.

“Eric took it. Can I have some money?”

WTH. “Do you want me to wire it to you or should I just go grab a cab and get a ride home for $40.00 to give you $5.00z?”

“How long would it take?”

If could have reached through the phone and slapped her I wudda.

Before I could answer a big sigh on the other end and then, “I guess I’ll just use my $10.00.” “You have a ten?” “yeah from housecleaning.”

You know at that point I wanted to detonate the receiver on the other end.

Wednesday was more homework. I was interested in going to the High School to watch the basketball game. See our local phenom Ty Jones.. he’s a big deal around here. He’s been starting point guard on the varsity team since he was in the 8th grade. Duke has sent scouts to see him, as has Arizona. Gophers Head Coach Tubby Smith is a regular at the gym these days.

“Can’t go Dad” the boy announced, “too much homework.”

Wow. Great news for homework,. bad news for bored dad.

Girl was done with hers early so rewarded her with a sponge, a spray bottle and a chance to make the countertops SHINE. She was not impressed.

Tomorrow more crap, more asswhipping and on Friday.. NADA. No school for the kids, Dad’s off and all will be good. Mrs.S returns home Friday night and I have Wolves Lakers tix. Maybe finally I can go out.

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June 9, 2010 · 7:39 pm

Can’t Stop Bitch’n

Went to the eye place last week to pick up a new pair of prescription sunglasses. My first pair of prescription sunglasses mind you. I guess the walker is only a few years away now. In the past I’ve used a dandy pair of “over the glasses” glasses. Got those at Bass Pro a few years back, they were the bomb. You could keep your normal glasses on, put on the secondary pair when you went out side, and boom.. easy sneazy. The other advantage is kids and wives would make themselves scarce when I had the overglasses on.. too ugly. Mrs S drew the line when I packed the things on our trip to Hawai’i a summer ago. I guess I get more leeway on apparel at the lake then I do on family vacations where we might run into other human beings.

The look of horror on her face when I came out of the bedroom after we her parents place on the Big Island, my starkly white immenseness almost glowing in the tropical sun, big belly hanging over my Farah Dad and Lad extra flowery swim-trunks, skinny legs with the executive hair shave half way up my calf from weekdays in dress socks and the, cheapo flipflops, camo hat and the accessory on my face that pulled it all together, my pair of overglasses that made me look like Vincent Price in the Fly, after the horrible mishap of course that caused him to swap heads with a fly.

Sheez I’m on vacation. Who cares? I’m sure the staff and guests of the swanky Four Seasons Resort and Spa cared, and apparently Mrs S cared. A lot. My sister-in-law cared too. Sort of. She said she didn’t, but that was after she caught her breath after laughing at/with me for 10 minutes. Oh and calling her husband, the 50 year old surfer who looks 25 to come see the what 15 years in Minnesota can do to a Cali Native.

Screw um.. the damn lens fell out of the things anyway and I never got to model them, which meant my picture did not wind up on “people of Wa-Mart” like Mrs thought it would. Besides.. the swanky clientele over there would have thrown me out anyway.

Ces’t la vie. So last summer I went the entire summer without sunglasses. For a fisherman, this was a serious pain in the ass. This year, I decided to pull the trigger on prescription sunglass, damn the expense, I gotta see what I’m doing when I’m racing down the lake in the boat. More importantly, I could see where I was going, and I would definitely see something before I hit it, but I have to see what I’m tying on to my line.

Frustration? Holding a lure in one hand and the end of your fishing line in the other and making futile attempt after futile attempt to tread the one through former. Even more frustrating.. having your precocious and sarcastic 15 year old watch you, giggling and then start in with “higher”, “lower”, “to the right”.. WTF? Dude.. and finally the frustration of my wife making me apologize to him for tossing his gatoraide into the lake with a “so you think that’s funny” comment and having to admit that I was being childish. I also had to admit that when I said “sorry” in a short tone after pushing him off the dock into the lake with his clothes on, that it was not as sincere as should have been. But I’m old, cut me a break.

All of this noise could have been avoided if I had just had a danged old pair of prescription sunglasses, and when I reminded Mrs S of this she promptly sent me down to the glasses department at Big Box to get a new pair.

Got me some nice ones. Ray-Bans.. my favorites. Put ‘um on, walked outside and was promptly overcome with waves of new glasses nausea. Hate that. After a few minutes I was settling in. Got in the car, started the ignition and went for the phone. I like to text while I’m driving because my life is pretty boring and looking up to see a bumper right in front of you that wasn’t there of a second ago, reminds me that I’m alive. Turns out… I couldn’t see well enough to text. Picked up the iPod, in honor of my pal the Idiot I’ve been on an 80’s music jag.. actually a 70’s music jag.. couldn’t see the screen.  WTF.

Well it was Friday and I was going to the lake, so in spite of the fact that I was sure I had the wrong prescription I kept the glasses and vowed to return them when I got back in town Monday. At the lake I discovered that, while I could see fish in the water thanks to the polarized lenses, I couldn’t see well enough to put a lure on, which was the whole stink’n point and now I was cranky. (er).

Prescription sunglasses I’ve learned, are their own pain in the ass. Now.. I have to do the glass switch when I enter or leave buildings. Means I have to have an extra pair of specs with me at all times, and I have to be careful about how I put the things back into the case before pulling out the other ones and this is really really difficult for me for some reason. I know, I hear ya..  I tried wearing the sunglasses on my head and the regular glasses on my eyes and switching as needed.. Boy, I thought Mrs S hated the overglasses.. this look yea.. says you’re a moron.. Which is Ok with me BTW.

I tried having the sunglasses dangle down from my head like the jackass, barbed wire tat guys. My head must not have the same adhesive properties that theirs do, I couldn’t get them to stay on. Next time I see some deeply tanned, muscular tatood dipstick with the cheapo glasses hanging I’m going to look carefully for thumbtacks or tape to see how they do that. Not that I’m going to do that, Mrs S informs me that that particular look, another non-starter.

My last option.. Wear sunglasses outside, then when I come inside, just slide them down my nose a bit and look over the tops of them at stuff. I’m thinking that Mrs S has an evil uncle I don’t know about or was abused by a teacher who wore their glasses like that. That look makes her borderline apoplectic. “STOP LOOKING OVER THE TOP A#@$@#*” Apparently I look old or something. Like my pants up around my tits wasn’t a clue? Lady, I get up at 4:30 on weekends now.. I AM OLD.

Oh well.

I took the things back. “Wrong prescription, I’d like to return these please”. The nice lady took the specs back, checked them out and came back and promptly informed me that “They’re fine Sir. They’re sunglasses. They’re for distance.” “But I can’t read with them?” “Why do you want to read..”

Just like stink’n Apple and Best Buy and every other Customer Service Representative I’ve dealt with in the last couple weeks. If you don’t know the answer.. pretend that you’ve never ever heard anyone ask a question that stupid before. The client will feel bad and you’ll be free. I called her on it.

“well, we make sunglasses for distance viewing. Not many people want to tie stuff on to fishing poles or read with their sunglasses these days Sir. If you want close up sunglasses you’re going to need another pair.”

Never mind. How in the world would I be able to manage 3 sets of glasses at one time? Heck with it I’m going back to Bass Pro and order me some overglasses. I may be ugly but at I’ll be happy. (er).

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