April 17, 2013- St. Paul Minnesota, state of Narnia.
I have dudes in my backyard with goat hooves now. Looking for a bunch of kids in a wardrobe somewhere.
4 more inches of snow tonight. More snow tomorrow. More snow Friday. Windchills in the teens, highs in the 30’s… blah blah blah.
I’ve lost rational thought about the winter that will not end.
I swear to G-d, I may take Punxsutawney Phil to court and sue him for, for um.. hell I’m going to find something. Breech of freaking trust. Stupid woodchuck said early spring. You know, even if the little rat had seen his gawddamned shadow and even if we had six more weeks of winter it still would have ended on March 16, that’s 6 freaking weeks ago.
Fucking rat is dead next time I see’m. Jus say’n.
In conversation with a highly regarded consultant, a fellow who knows all there is to know about everything explained the weather issues to me this way:
G-d has forsaken us.
Not sure there are any other explanations for this, we’ve tried everything else.
I’m thinking that I’m going to go on a fast until this weather breaks. Actually, pretty brilliant idea if I don’t say so myself. If summer ever does come, I’ll be in thong form.
Question is why? I think it’s because we re-elected Michelle Bachmann. She’s about as anti-God as they come. This is a little dire people. It means, and this is going to be hard to accept, but until Michelle steps down, winter will continue.
Hope you like sledding in July.
This morning I was reading local meteorologist Paul Douglas’s column in the Star Tribune. He’s worried that when summer does come, and he still thinks it will, I’m skeptical, ti will come fast and furious, like in one afternoon. Temps will go from 20’s overnight to 108 in the afternoon.
According to Douglas, that means we’re going to be due for a particularly violent tornado season. Something about gradients and temperature variances.
Sheez, Endless snow, followed by cataclysmic storms… I think then its frogs, boils, blood and death of the first born.
Quit Michelle, for the benefit of all of us.