I’m no longer bloging from Friday night to Saturday night, except tonight of course. Much like my pledge to eat better, lasts ALL the way to the next meal sometimes. I’ll give it a try.
St. Judes, a GREAT place, wonderful work, started by Danny Thomas.. Tonight I saw my first ad for St. Judes, Jennifer Aniston and Marlo. Whoa, haven’t seen Marlo in a while, but lady, loosen up the face a bit. Too bad the LC wasn’t here to see it, she’d put off her facelift I’d hope.
TODO #1- Quit f’n Netflix. I’ve been “throttled”. We hit the magic 9 in a month number and they’re shipping our movies via dogsled or something. Apparently you screw up their profit model after nine in a month, so the make sure you SLOOOWWWW down. Well, Blockbuster, here we come.
TODO #2 Kill Vermin. This time of year I only see my yard on weekends. It’s dark when I leave and when I get home. On Sunday I noticed that there, in the middle of the back yard, where the grass is supposed to be, is 1/100 scale of Mt. Rainer, complete with snow on top. F#*k’n moles. Again. Every year at this time they come streaming in from the woods into the yard leaving their trails, hill., holes… Show no mercy. Speaking of showing no mercy, we had Ollie the Opossum walking across the deck the other night. Ollie had the nerve to stop and actually look into the back window. The Mayor just about jumped through glass. Again, no mercy there.
Mayor Giggs- Speaking of the Mayor… We haven’t told him the bad news but final total was 16 votes. Please refer to him as “you Honor”, as in Your Honor please get out of my trash. Or as the Girl stated accurately last night, “The Mayor farted”…. She needs a sister.
PUCK UPDATE The Jock’s retirement announcement from hockey was a bit premature. He’s strapped on the pads and returned to the Apple Valley Eagles. Bad news, the jump to high school is a big one. He’s the smallest goalie out there by about a foot at least, and is giving up the goals in practice. I couldn’t help but notice that Goalies aren’t really needed in this league, these kids seem to have a difficult time hitting the net.
FULFILL A DIRECTIVE FROM THE LC- AS CPO (Chief Procurement Officer)
I gotta return some clothes, which sucks…
Return clothing. Here’s the drill, day by day, week by week my morning apparel selections get smaller and smaller. One week a shirt is gone, the next week I’ve lost a pair or pants, or ripped them or some damn thing, two pairs of socks the next week… I get to the point where I’m wearing the same two dress pants to work for weeks on end. (Monday to Thursday only please) After a month if this even I get sick of by damn clothes.
Every time it’s the same. Some night, out of frustration I’m off the to the men’s store in anger, I talk to the sales dude, I spend a couple hundred bucks on clothes to wear and I sneak it into the house. Why sneak? Am I afraid of something? Damn right, but not what you’d think. I’m afraid that the LC is going to let lose with the clothing feedback session I’ve come to enjoy over the years. “What in the hell did you buy”, or “ Exactly what color do you think that shirt is? And, what color do you think that tie is? And the guy that sold it to you should be fired.” (I’m color blind unfortunately. I’ve lived through the shame of looking at funky inkblots and when all the other kids say “19” when asked what number they saw, I said “42”. Which meant people took notes and I had to go the eye doctor and repeat the exercise, and I had to wear “Grranimals” clothes until I was 30. Mom said I was faking it, my wife says Mom is obviously an idiot, look at how I dress. BTW, if you know someone who is colorblind, QUIT ASKING THEM “what color is this, what color is that?” It’s a little annoying and like asking a wheelchair bound person to take a couple steps so we can all watch ya stumble. I know I wear the same time every day, it matches the blue shirt I wear every day. BUG OFF. (the dress code sucks bad enough))
So back to the store I go over the weekend to return it all, and I’ll spend another 6 weeks with nothing to wear. This weekend I have to return two shirts, one of which is quite pink I’m told, I thought it was Ecru, and a couple ties. I do this twice a year with the same results. Reminds me of the adage,
Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
ONE HOT BRIT- Kate Winslett on Jay Leno, she’s so damn close to being hot I can’t stand it. Problem is; Waz ‘sup with that hair Kate. Looks like a 70s rocker. Flat crappy hair that I last saw on a “chick” wearing a black Bon Jovi T-Shirt and black jeans. Frankly the hair looked like crap. That accent however… Oh yeah, she can wear a hat. BTW If you think Americans believe that you actually cook anything for you kids come on dear. That like hearing Madonna talk about how hard motherhood is…
ASSORTMENT ISSUES AT THE WALGREENS
In the WALL last night, Walgreens, not the evil Wal-Mart. Burning family income on asthema snake oil potions. Actually it works, plus yet MORE antibiotics to rid my sinus of the demons. Again… So as I’m waiting and waiting I glance around the aisle I’m in .. which used to be what we in the business would call family planning. NOW.. Not ta be a prude here but when did the local drugstore start carrying flavored, glow in the dark “party hats” as they say. Thank the Lord I haven’t had to buy that stuff in years and years.. Back in the day it was a 7 step process-
1) Locate the goods in the store
2) Walk by and glance at the items, but keep moving
3) Walk by again from the other direction, slow down and start trying to make a choice.
4) Locate all other shoppers in the store, when you’re sure there are none around, return to the area,
5) Actually shop the goods and make the selection but do not take it.
6) Walk around the store picking up other items you had no intention of buying to camouflage your illicit purchase. Magazines are especially useful.
7) Pick up the item, hide in your other crap and start watching the register for the perfect time when NO ONE is there, if a man is checking EVEN BETTER!!!
Once you get older you get over this shameful experience, only to relive it again when you buy that first can of Metamucil.
So back to the story… Um back in the day there were about 10 different boxes of condoms, 1 facing of K-Y and a couple mysterious “womanly” products. That was it, 2 feet of presentation. Now? I gotta ask, do we need 16 feet of intimacy products. For example there was 6 feet alone just for personal lubricants? More than they had for auto oil. They had massage oil, make it hot oil, flavored oil, scented oil, sample packs of assorted oils and gels. I honestly had no damn idea. I’m thinking there are some stinky sheets out there somewhere and I just never want to work in a hotel now!
Makes me wonder how do you buy that stuff as a reatil buyer? Do you follow trends in lube? Do you have taste testing? Do they have panels of customers telling you what they liked and what they didn’t like? Do you ever throw up the hands just say TMI?
They even had Wal-Lube. Private label stuff? Of course my first thought was NOT bring that home to the LC, I been married long enough to know that would buy me some “personal” time. I was wondering how you pull off taking that “warming” stuff to my next Doctor appointment and making a clandestine switch before I left. You know swap it out with the regular “Tube of Dread” they reach for right after they ask ya to turn around… . Since he’s wearing a glove he wouldn’t know, but imagine, I’m seeing humor.
Reminds me of high school and all those Bengay filled jock straps in the locker room.