Category Archives: B as B

Row Well and LIVE

What the hell..

We gots us some old fashioned Teen Inertia going at the Sank house, and coupled with a seditious wife, it’s all kinda trouble ‘round here. Really we do.

The troubled middle kid, the one who is relishing in his new found role as head kid now that big brother has left home for the wilds of Michigan’s upper peninsula, is celebrating his new found role by basically going on strike. Yes dear friends we gots’ us some old fashioned labor issues ‘round he-ah.

I give the kid simple, clear, easy to understand commands and receive what I think is the appropriate response. “’K”. I’m sorry is “K” as “Ok Father I acknowledge that I have received your wise direction and am looking forward to earning my way into your stony heart by simply doing the things you ask and not asking any questions.”

or was that more of “K”, as in; “blah blah blah blah blah, something about something, more blahs and a, “ dad’s funny when he asks me do do something”, Oh, and “What do you think Dad means when he walks around here saying ‘dumb-ass’ and ‘Row well and live’.

This weekend, being of far superior wit and intellect, and basking in the knowledge that nearly half a century of life’s lessons can bring I set his ass up like piñata, and spent the weekend looking for a stick. I love teaching my kids tough lessons. As the kids say.. I like to ‘own’ them.

I gave the lad a list of stuff do 6 items long. I presented this list in oral and written form, and I gave it to him on Friday Afternoon with the following admonition.

“Young Master E.. I am presenting you with a list of things that I’d like for you to accomplish before 1900 hours on Sunday evening in order to bring harmony and peace to our home, and because my son, it is my will and pleasure. Can you accomplish this request?”

The answer was…. “K”.

Excellent, I replied and eagerly waited for Monday morning.

Being an asshole father is so easy I can do it my sleep.. and I did.

This morning I caught him in the kitchen, wished him a good day and asked..

“Did you get to..”
the answer in each case.. “no”. NO. NO DAD I DIDN’T.. I was BUSY..

Busy on Facebook..

Well Son.. guess what.. you failed. You didn’t do a few simple things and now will not get any Brussels sprouts for Christmas.. like the good English kids do.

“Sheez Dad.. are we still Jewish or did something change this weekend. “{

“Shut IT.. I’m not laughing dumbass. When I asked YOU to do something YOU GOTTA DO IT.. and do IT, when I ask..”

Row Well and LIVE , that’s my motto around here for you Dude.. and laid into him a big time. Just Do IT son and your troubles will go away.

Then, Judy Judas over there in the breakfast room, Mrs Snake-ary, without looking up from her paper says..

“Sank, did you get the oil changed in my car?”

My head swerved around.. “Huh.. no”

“Um did you turn off the outside fawcets for winter? It is about 4 outside”

“Uh, no, going to do that now”.

“Oh did you ever take Rich back is air compressor thats sitting on floor in the bathroom?

Change the batteries in the remote control for the TV?

Put in the new light bulb in the laundry room?, sorry dear, just checking to see  when can I expect to get those done.”

THIS ISN’T ABOUT ME DAMN IT

And THAT is how they turn on you these damn people who call themselves kin.

For now, I’m rowing myself.. and I’m damn good at it.

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Black Friday Report

In a word, two words actually-

It SUCKS.

This year consumers are supposed to have the power.. not so. We are in fact powerless thanks the demise of the small businesses that used to account for the majority of retail. We’re now statistics, our behavior tracked and predicted. And, they get us at 4:00 am, offer items that they don’t have, or have the legal minimum off with the hopes that we’ll buy something else. 

It’s time for a consumer revolution in my opinion. The best protest, keep your wallet in your pocket, and tell them the off when the reach for it.

Here’s my letter of the day to the folks at Amazon.com- a company I used to like.

Three years in a row I have been unable to purchase any of your black friday offers. The three TV’s I attempted to buy today, were sold out in seconds, before I could even click on fucking button. This makes me wonder how many you actually had, and even more how many folks like me who, are decent customers of yours but after enduring this BS will no longer shop with you. I can only guess that your intention is to get me to come to your store, see a deal and settle for something else when the deal is unattainable. That, is bait and switch and is unethical and in many cases illegal, but I’m sure you’ve found a loophole.

When you’re as big you are, clearly you can treat your customers poorly, after all, with all your analytics we’re j

ust Statistics. You can move me from 40 purchases a year column to the 0 if you’re keeping track.

On the other hand, you’ve given me my blog topic for the day, Thanks for that.

They’re just doing what everyone else is doing..

My Hall of Retail Shame for today’s Black Friday

1) KOHLS- 4:00 am? Really? Here’s the message from Kohls- Employees, since you can’t get jobs anywhere else right now.. our message to you is Row Well And Live.. Roman Galley Slave Style. To our customers, we’re proud to say our Kohls Customer so stupid.. we can get them out into the store on 5 hours sleep after Thanksgiving with promises of deals that we’re not going to offer our “normal” customers, who aren’t getting up at 3:30. Since that’s me what I’m reading in that, and would suggest the rest of you read into is. At Kohls we’re giving great deals to people with no life. Since you have a life, we don’t want your business.

2) JC Penney- This is a company that is in it’s death spiral. Since they’ve irrelevant to the market for years, they just do what ever Kohls makes them do. .com business excepted. They too, opened at 4:00 and BTW offered the same shit they do every year. Their circular could have been dated 1989 as the stuff was the same, Jewelry and cheap kitchen stuff.

3) Amazon.com- This one hurts a bit as I really liked them. However their Black Friday antics are reprehensible. Their strategy is to build up the buzz, offer amazingly low deals and then.. poof- sell them out in seconds. Last year they had the audacity to offer lotteries for the “opportunity” to buy stuff at great prices. I never won such an opportunity. So I’m bitter. Sort of.. What it did tell me however is that many folks were buying stuff at cheaper prices than I was which meant I wasn’t going to buy anything at all. This year.. no lottery, just no inventory. Sad to say I’m on Amazon boycott now.

4) Apple- They crack me up. The Worlds Most Expensive electronics store sends out emails, banners etc on their site that great deals on black Friday were coming. What were the deals? On only two MAC models they offered an 8% discount. On their soon to be discontinued iPod, about 15%.. Better than nothing but not worth the hype.

5) Gander Mountain- Opened from 3:00 to 9:00 on Thanksgiving Day. Again, employees, we own you. You customers, have some turkey and then come on down and try out the new 9mm from Glock, you’re gonna give more than thanks.

Now, the winners

1) Wal-Mart- Hands down beat the crap out everyone. Their prices were unbeatable, they had loads of inventory, they controlled their front doors (death of a customer being a good motivator) it’s pretty rosy down in Bentonville these days and they continue to set the bar.

2) Half-Price Books- Probably the best Black Friday offering of the day. Nice mellow 6am opening, coffee and cookies at the door, 20% off the entire store. Enter to win a $100.00 gift card. Love the love I get Half Price.

This year, join the rebellion folks.. keep your wallet in your pants or purse until they offer you something worth buying.

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Frustrated Rant

Annoyances du’jour

1)      Meetings which are held for no reason other than, they were scheduled. In other words, if the meeting time was booked we should get together regardless of whether or nor we actually have anything to meet about. Had a day of those today.

2)      People who, in meetings, hand out a deck, i.e. a printed powerpoint presentation. This is especially bad of the “deck” is written in 24 point font, making it an 18 page deck when a one page outline of notes would suffice.

3)      People who, after passing out a deck, proceed to pick it up and start reading it to the folks in the meeting. Often, word for word. This is especially fun if you’ve sent me the deck a couple days ahead of time for me to review prior to the meeting.

4)      Finally people who have skins to thin for the modern office and take offense when someone says, while they’re reading their deck, “OK I get the joke the proposal, what do you need from me?” or “lets cut to the chase” and finally “This is all very fascinating, but lets talk about what and why we’re here.”

5)      Presenters without enough saavy to understand that when the big guy says “I get it” he does, and even on the outside chance he doesn’t, he won’t be putting any more attention to it to understand it, attention and big fat executive guys not really go together so well,so.. move on.  Don’t go back to where you left off and start reading again. As Dad would say… when you’re in a hole, stop digging.

I feel a bit better already.

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Three Dot Writing

Growing up I loved the San Francisco Chronicle. It was a subscription I paid for my self, using the money I made at my Dad’s shoe store. I gladly forked over $8.25 a month for home delivery of my favorite paper, I mean we had nothing else. You have to remember that I grew up in Stockton California, which was about 90 miles for the City by the Bay. In Stockton we had the Stockton Record, which my folks subscribed too. The Chronicle was an exotic rag from the big city. I loved it because it had “real” news. The Stockton paper carried nothing, or so I thought. In one of those ultimate “grass is greener” times of my life, I pretty much rejected anything from from Stockton. Stockton was a hell hole I couldn’t wait to get away from (30 years later I’ve not been back leading me to wonder if it’s not the case).

What I really like about the Chron back then however were two things, the Sporting Green, which at the time was actually printed on green newsprint and was the best sports page around. The other thing I love in the Chron, columnists. Particularly the now deceased Herb Caen and Art Hoppe. Herb in particular, Mr. San Francisco, represented to me the last of the old school local newspaper guys whose typewriters were weapons in the culture wars of the day.

Herb wrote what he called three dot journalism, short snippets of story followed by three dots. I’m not sure what the three dots meant, either “more to come” or “ADD has kicked in and I grow weary of this topic, NEXT…”

If you’ve read this space long enough you might have noticed I use the same technique in my “writing”. especially when I’m doing shorts.

Herb, btw was a Sacramento native, as am I, and that’s as far as the comparison goes. He was also the fellow who coined the term “beatnik”. Herb passed away this 12 years ago this week from lung cancer, brought on no doubt from years of chomping on a heater whilst trying to make deadline on a typewriter. At least that’s how I’ll choose to remember him.

Art Hoppe was another San Francisco original, tough old journalist, lung cancer victim as well, I’m sure the old newsrooms were pretty smoky. He was a cross between a gossip columnist and society reporter, back when we had such a thing, and a attack dog. Art’s symbol, if I remember correctly from his banner line, this was before they had the little pictures of the writers, was a Don Quixote looking dude with a long sharp lance. If you were in the snooty upper crust, and believe me, San Francisco was full of those folks, you were going to get gored.

In the Twin Cities, where like every other place in the country, the newspaper business is in it’s dying throws, we have a throw back journalist whom I also love, Patrick Russe. Pat’s a sport columnist, the best in town, who brings crusty, edgy columns to ink. Although, not as often in his new gig as a radio host. As a radio host I’ve sort of learned that a little Russe can go a long way. Russe, as old and crust as he is, is still not the oldest, we do have Sid Hartman, but frankly Sid hasn’t been relevant for at least 15 years, or since I moved to town.

Reading these guys is what motivated me to major in Journalism in school. A field I quickly realized was not for me because A) I can’t write so well, B) I spell worse and C) My attention to detail precludes me from editing correctly.

One side note… you know why I can’t spell? I think I have it nailed. I was raised in a home with a mother, born in Cairo Egypt, not Ill. Again, sidebar: someone, anyone has to explain to me why in the hell they call the convergence of the Mississippi, Missouri and Ohio rivers “Little Egypt”? As if swamps, mosquitos, more swamps and hot muggy summers evoke memories of sand and pyramids? And yet we have cities named after Memphis, Cairo etc…

Anyway, Mom was from Cairo Egypt, where the accents, while not as twangy as Cairo Ill, are just as intelligible. AND when she didn’t know the name of something in English, which was pretty often, she’d say it in French or Arabic. And when I misbehaved.. the stream of conscious flow of words in Arabic armed me, to this very day, with some very choice words which come in handy at the local gas station when the owner is a dick head. Which is, most of the damn time.

So I got Ma speaking in an English “like” tongue. We got Pop, my Dad, who grew up in Ft. Worth Texas and had, during my formative years, one of the thickest southern drawls I’ve ever head. “Boy, get up ‘an tell y’mama that we should be a ‘goin.” That very line, 11 words, could take as a long as a half hour to say, making us late to everything.

It is, with this phonetic baggage that I learned the English language and as such can’t spell a G-d damn thing. I can’t hardly pronounce anything either.

Chaos Theory

I work with a brilliant young statistician type. One of those folks who enjoyed calculus in school and sees the sense and logic in Mathematics. The other reason I became a journalism major was to avoid taking the same courses. My availability to help kids with math homework ends in the 5th grade.

Anyway, this guy is a big fan of chaos theory. I don’t get it, really, expect to say that something about a fart in China sets off a chain reaction that eventually leads to a certain BIG BOX Nameless retailer in the United States to decide that round pill bottles with caps are not the future of pills. And, without asking me, change their pill bottles to a red thing with the cap on the bottom. I’m sorry, I’m just not hip or smart enough to deal with the cap on the bottom of the bottle and 6 times a year or so, I will set set the stupid thing down, sans cap, sending my pills across the counter and into the sink. Thank G-d for $4.00 scripts or I’d be out hundreds.

I did this, just last night, with a bottle of 90 pills I’d just had filled the day before, emptying the entire lot.

When you spill pills, you realize that having a dumb shit dog that wants to be near you every second is bad, as he helped himself to 50mg of Atenelol. OK, when I get pills from vet for poochie I have to sit on his chest, stick my soft but delicious meaty hands into his mouth, pry apart his jaws, drop the pill into the back of his throat and then hold his jaws shut, rubbing his neck until he swallows them. It’s a bitch. If you put the pill in cheese, well that’s not the best idea as the smallest amount of cheese seems to have the adverse effect of turning his hind end into lethal weapon, which emits those doggie SBD‘s that suck the oxygen out of a room. It’s so bad that when you drop cheese on the floor and potlicker runs for it, the entire family goes into Matrix mode, screaming NOOOOOO and floating on guy wires around the room the prevent, what I like to call “cloud seeding”. BTW, almonds… they seed my clouds.

Anyway, give the dog a pill in cheese and he will eat it happily, look at you, lick his nose, smile in that dog way, and hack up the pill. Every time.

But, drop a pill on the ground that’s meant for people.. and well, we have a dog who the vet tells us we should watch tomorrow, should be fine but might sleep all day. Which I guess is different than every other day for stooopid, I don’t know how.

I thought I got all the pills off the counter. Tonight, I saw one I missed sitting on the counter. I brushed the tooth, flossed it and put it in it’s case and took my pill and climbed into bed. Mrs S went back into the bathroom and uttered the following statement, confirming that chaos is more than a theory, and it’s out to get me.

“Sank.. where’s my birth control pill?”

Apparently we got more in common now than we did 10 minutes ago. When the nurse, as in RN, as in supposed to take care of me, I married stopped laughing 20 minutes later, she assured me I’d be alright. I had visions of transforming into some sort of fat tranny thing and having to use a different restroom at work which I’m pretty sure would cause people to talk. Well.. all I could do was cry, which I did for about an hour. I then got a headache, became weirdly obsessed with the idea that she wasn’t listening to me, and for the first time in my life noticed that yes indeed, the ceiling does need painting…

More Chaos

The GOP, our friends in the Loyal Opposition have decided that there’s something to this Obama thing, and have elected the first African American chairman of their party. I don’t know if Michael Steele was one of the 9 people of color (their number not mine) at the GOP convention in St. Paul.. but this does make politics interesting.

And More Chaos

I would like the butterfly in China, the one whose wing flaps influence the weather in the Western Hemisphere to please knock it the hell off for a while. For the month of January we had one, uno, eine, 1, day above freezing. We had 25 days below Zero…

Being a Zero Hero is not that great.

This weekend, youth trip to Northern Minnesota. Follow on Twitter.

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Tis A Crazy World

I spend time worrying allot about why people do stupid things, and why they do them in mass? Years ago the noted self-trained historian and author Barbara Tuchman wrote a book titled “The March to Folly; From Troy to Viet Nam” The book was a historical examination of why governments pursue policies detrimental to their own best interests. It’s an interesting read, although I think its probably out of print nowadays. In the book, Ms. Tuchman writes about four different events in history where governments or powers simply ignore all the signs, all the writing on the wall, and bring about their own demise. The events she writes about are;

- The Trojans and their famous gift from their arch enemies, the Greeks. Why in the hell would you take that thing into your city gates anyway?

- The Catholic Church and and the Protestant Succession. The Church was corrupt, it’s leaders knew it was corrupt and for 200 hundred years assumed that this new movement to reform the the faith wouldn’t last.

- England and her upstart American colonies. How just a few minor tweaks in policy could have stopped the colonists from moving down the path towards independence.

- The United States and Viet Nam. We saw the Japanese, we saw the French and we assumed that we could do better in the face of unbelievable odds and put down a popular rebellion.

I bring this up, not only because I really liked the book, but because 20 years after I first read it, I still find myself thinking along the lines of Babs T. Why do people do stupid things in spite of what common sense and basic intelligence would tell them is right. Lets walk through a few examples shall we.

Stupid Arrogance

Ok, 2009 is about 4 weeks old and we already have an idiot of unparalleled stature on the national conscious. A guy so blinded by his own arrogance and self deceit that he can’t see that the entire country is laughing at him, not out of fear or parody, but out of absolute contempt and disgust. I’m speaking of that Gandhi-King like former governor of Illinois.

Asswipe bad haired politician aside here’s a guy with some really lousy background, who was a crooked politician in office and who was reelected. Re-elected by 11 points.. despite investigations ongoing DURING THE CAMPAIGN.

Stupid Shining People

The economy. Or is it the ECONOMY Stupid? It’s everything these days. It’s in the news, it’s in my balance sheets, it’s in my retirement, and now it’s impacted my day to day sense of security and well being. I overheard the following discussion this week, which to me explains why we’re where we are and what years of Reganomics and good old fashion deregulation have brought us. I set this up for your consideration with thoughts of Enron. If you haven’t seen the Smartest Guys in the Room, rent it and see it now.

Greed, shameless greed. Actually Mrs S, who’s a hell of a lot wiser than I am, repeatedly states that “shame is what’s missing in America today”. Lack of Shame is why Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens can sit straight faced and stare down at congressmen and flat out lie through their beady steroid damaged eyes and not for a second understand what it was that people were so pissed off about. It’s unfathomable that that you can do something like have yourself injected by family members and “confidants” and not expect that they aren’t going to come clean when pressed by the heavy hand of the law. Dude, they aren’t going to jail to protect your sorry Hall of Fame ass.

Lack of shame is why a guy as evil as Bernard Madoff could get busted for fraud on such a massive scale, fraud against individuals and against charities, a man who is responsible, according one source, for the single largest destruction of Jewish wealth, thanks to the number of Jewish charities who he solicited investments from, since the Holocaust. Mortie Zuckerman, former director of a large Jewish charity in New York said no one has damaged so damaged the image and self respect of American Jews since Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, the Manhattan Project scientists executed in 1951 for passing atomic secrets to the Soviets. And, once busted, his focus is on trying to preserve his wealth by mailing checks to family members, jewelry etc…  Shame Bernie SHAME.

Tyco, Global Crossing, Satyam, Keating.. on and on.

The conversation I heard went like this. One side a VP from Citibank, in the Twin Cities, on the other a friends wife. The execs wife make about $250,000 a year at Citi, and receives and annual bonus that is between $50,000 and $70,000 per year. The woman expressed her worries about the economy in the following way. “there’s some fear around the office that we aren’t going to get our bonuses this year. That, would be a disaster. You can’t not pay people for their work, these are very talented people. If we aren’t paid our bonuses, I’m not sure how we’re going to be able to make ends meet. We could be in trouble.” Good news for the woman, once the bailout money found it’s way to Citibank.. they were paid their bonuses in full. The rest of us working American’s have been told no bonuses this year, no pay increases. Be happy to be working, and for the most part, we are.

Absolute garbage. And we just march along.

Consumers can be stupid too

I’ve been watching with some interest the ongoing TV ad war between Comcast all the satellite companies out there. Personally I can’t understand why anyone would sign up for service where the ad guarantees that in three months, your rates are going to go up. Personally I don’t even really understand why there are still cable companies in existence. For 30 years Americans have put up with shitty service; 8 hour service windows, “packages” that force us to pay for 100 channels of absolute garbage programing just to get ESPN, the History Channel and Discovery, and all of this, for the first 20 years of their existence, in complete monopoly. No competition what so ever. And now that they have competition.. competition that beats them at their own game, tradition and fear of thunderstorms keeps us from changing over to better and cheaper service.

Another good example- IPods and the Apple stranglehold on our media consumption. I’ve been on every available music service on the planet. Rhapsody, Napster, Zune, Yahoo Music when they were around, Lala.com, EMusic.com and finally ITunes. Here’s how I rank them. Actually for the sake of this argument, I’m only going to share the worst one on the market, yup you guessed it, ITunes.

ITunes is expensive compared to the other services, by about 10 cents a track in most cases, even more in the case of album purchases.

ITunes does not have a song rental/Music to go feature. They’ve figured it out with movies, you can rent movies for your device from ITunes, but for music, nada. To completely fill a Zune 8 gig player from the Zune Market place, that would be for 2000 songs, it would cost you $15.00 a month. That’s it. That could be for all new music every time you sync the stupid thing, old favorites ANYTHING. Same deal on Napster. Same deal on Rhapsody. True, you don’t “own” the music, and if your subscription lapses your music won’t play, but is that really a big deal? How often does that Donny Iris album come our? When was the last time you spun up Alan Parsons? If you like something allot buy it.. You get to hear the complete song as many time as you damn well please before you do.

To fill the same sized device on ITunes would cost you $2000.00, or 11 years of Zune subscription.

So you have an IPod, and I gotta tell you, even though the ITunes store sucks, and the ITunes software hangs up incessantly and is a pain in the ass to use, the IPod players, especially the Touch, freakn’ reeks coolness. I give. So you have an IPod, why the “f” you buy music for it from Apple completely befuddles me. Really.  Lala.com sells 256K bitrate MP3′s for 89cents. MP3 PEOPLE.. no DRM. Albums are even cheaper. Added feature..you entire library is uploaded to LALA so you can listen to anything you own, from any computer on the damn planet… so THERE. Hell, buy from Amazon. They actually put shit on sale, SALE.. like 5 bucks for an album that you’re going to pay 10 for on ITUNES.

EMusic.com is perhaps the coolest music site out there. All independent labels, so if you like Kelly Clarkson and Maroon 5 and that sort of garbage, you aren’t going to find it on emusic. You are going to find some of the finest independent labels in all genres, especially blues, jazz, and rock. AND you can pay as little as 49 cents a track depending on your membership arrangement. People I urge you, don’t be stupid with your money or your music. You have choices.

And the ultimate in consumer stupidity.

Folks.. we live in a country with the greatest infrastructure of services on the planet. In almost every place in these United States you have, almost for free, a tap that provides water the quality of which, any person in the Third World would give their right arm to drink. And we, as a people, have been sold the idea that drinking untreated water from some hole in the ground in Wisconsin, or even worse the treated tap water for some other berg, is better than what we have, and we gleefully line up and spend 100X a bottle what it would cost us to drink it from the tap. AND we fill the landfills along the way. My G-d, it’s like the Pied Piper himself were leading us as a society of lemmings.

You know, the Yuppies I work with have told me that you can’t drink tap water, especially if it comes from a bathroom tap. This is complete BS, the Sank plan to wean you people off your bottles… reuse them. Seriously,. By a bottle, and refill it a few times from the tap. Unless you live in rural Wisconsin, where our cabin is, and the water is coming out of the tap is rust colored and smelling like a rotten egg, well I’m thinking your throwing away your money. Which I’m sorry to report, makes you .. yes.. stupid.

The Great Equalizer

And finally the reason we give up logic and reason and  re-elect morons, buy shitty products, worry about our mental health, our sexual prowess and our frequency and flow 24 hours a damn day… The device my wise and down to earth father would call “The Idiot Box”. that device that probably on hours a night and all weekend long in your home that serves up what Frank Zappa called “the slime oozing out from your tv set”. 

The country is broke folks. We’ve been on a 20 year spending spree. Its like the parents haven’t been home in a long time and we’ve been out partying, and now we’re grounded. We’re spending $2000 on a TV. We’re spending $100 a month on a phone. We’re spending $75 a month to watch eight channels out of 200 on our TV. We tell our doctors what we know best about our conditions and ask for drugs we don’t understand, and yet most of us can’t say NO to our own damn kids. We worry about self esteem and ADD and ADHD, and we watch endless hours of American Idol and Bachelor and reality shows that are so damn tired and pointless that it’s insane. Most of us take handfuls of pills for blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, and every other chronic condition because we’re told we’re fat (we are) and our 140 over 90 BP is outrageously high. 20 years ago we called that borderline. “Well, we know more now and we’re more aggressive about getting you hooked on a legal drug so you can support a pharma company than encouraging you to get off the fucking sofa and taking a walk.

We want to see you at a yuppie health club so you can get your cardio, and your weight training and you can change your name to Bobby Brown and get shiny teeth a six pac ab and a tight ass and look 30 when you’re 60.. except for those wrinkles but if we inject you, at a party, with one of the deadliest toxins known to man well, even those can go away, sort of.

I’m thinking I’m going to pass on all that. I’m going to go for a walk, put a backpack on with 20 lbs in it and stroll around the neighborhood a few times a week. Maybe ride my bike to the store instead of driving. I’m gonna turn off my TV and Tivo everything so a) I won’t be tempted to ask my doctor for pills to help my sexual prowess when I’m drunk or exhausted or thinking about the 600 people who just lost their jobs at my office and thus occasionally find myself “not in the mood” b) so I can watch my couple of shows on my terms, at my time with no ads.

I’m thinking I’m going to lose my hair, get fat, get ugly(er) and not worry a whole lot about because humans have been doing it that way since we first crawled out of the primal muck and looking like your 30 when your 60 just says “I’m one shallow SOB”. Tell you what, I’m going to drink some scotch once in while, I’m gonna drink Miller High Life because I think the ads with the delivery guy seriously represent what’s wrong with this country, and you know, I’m gonna sneak in that occasional GASP Winston because a good smoke can be close to a religious experience, and if I’m smoking a dozen cigs a year, I’m probably going to be alright. Once in a while, I’m gonna eat the apple fritter, and more often I’m going to eat oatmeal. It’s called MODERATION folks.

I’m not gonna worry about living boring lifestyle of all whole grains, bottled water, organic food and all the other shit that’s going to buy me another 6 months or a year of life. I’m pretty sure that last year is going to be in a diaper with drool coming out the side of my mouth, completely unaware of my surroundings, and it’s not going to matter one wit. Some folks, 100 years ago, lived to see 100 and some folks today do the same.

I think there’s more to luck than we think. ..

That was a bit of rant, even for me. Thanks for listening.

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2009 Update- shorts stuff for busy year

Holy freak’n cow is how I’d describe 2009 to date.

This year has certainly gotten off to a fast start, busy as hell start anyway.

New Yearls we were at the lake hanging an fishing.

Saturday, 3 Jan- Lodge installation of officers. Morning deal, went fine. Saturday night, pizza with dear friends.

Monday, 5 Jan- Demolay advisor’s meeting, out.

Tuesday 6 Jan- Lodge Meeting

Wednesday 7 Jan- Scottish Rite

Thursday 8 Jan- Demolay Stated

Friday 9 Jan- Eric’s play

Saturday 10 Jan- Lodge annual awards banquet. Mrs S w/me. Food was amazing ( not good, amazing)

Sunday 11- 600 am flight to New York. Out to Long Island for the day, Manhatten at night.

Monday 12 Jan to late Wed 14 Jan- New York

Thursday 15 Jan- Must get groceries as the family is complaining that since I’ve been gone they’ve run out of food and has started to think about eating the dog. Need to show them where the grocery store is.

Friday, 16 Jan- Banquet honering a friend.

Saturday 17 Jan- Chaparone a Demolay dance.. I didn’t even have a dog at that deal! Damn

Sunday- Cyberpal Eric’s Birthday..

Next week looks a bit lighter until Thursday, when I’m getting away for a few days of fishing and hanging out with pals.

So, that’s why there haven’t been pictures in Flickr, posts on the blog, or too many facebook updates. I’ll put a few things out today.

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Some days you shake your head

Since moving here from California 14 years I have, only on the very rarest of occasions though to myself.. Why do I live here? 

Tonight it was one of those nights. Actually it was a bit stronger than that, more of a why in h-e-double-toothpicks to we f#n live here… 

We had a bit of snow this today. We also had a bit of snow last night. Not a ton mind you, a few inches here or there.. We also awoke to 15 below zero this morning, and while that’s pretty danged cold, and this is Minnesota, for December.. that’s about unheard of. Yesterday, Sunday, I awoke to 40 degrees and rain. Actually raining pretty decently. Through the day the wind started howling, the cold front from hated Canada started moving through, and by about 6:00 pm it was 15 degrees. The water from the rain was now frozen and covered with snow. The roads were shiny in my headlights, shiny roads cause even the most seasoned foul weather driver to mutter adorations to deity. Add to the mix howling winds, continued plummeting of the mercury, blowing snow and well, it was a shitty night. BUT I was in bed for it, warm cozy down blanket and the soothing embrace of my beloved wife. 

When I got up this morning, it was cold… blue ass cold, but the wind was gone, which makes anything bearable. But the roads? Horseshit. I left my house at about 6:30, arrived in downtown Minneapolis after a couple secret detours and side streets at 8:00. A drive that usually takes 25 minutes. Thats bad.. but frankly, it was nuth’n… The snow started to fall about 1:00… by 3:30 the roads were covered in greasy slippery snow. Since the temp was about 1 sweet degree there was no melting. I had a doctor appointment in St. Louis Park.. left there at 4:00 for home. 

I arrived in my driveway at 7:15. I could get to Des Moines on a good day faster. This was a 20 mile drive. That’s an average speed of 9.75 MPH. Ugggg  Tomorrow is clear, Thursday we’re supposed to get another 4 inches.. then up to a foot on Saturday. We’re outta here on Saturday morning.. Tahoe for the week.

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Sign of the Times

I can’t get in the car and turn on the radio these days with out putting myself through hours and hours of depressing talk about the state of the economy, the world on and on.. But before you stick your head in the oven and turn on the gas.. a soothing thought I’m sure lets put some thoughts out there. The world is confusing, but you have Dear Old Mr Sank here to pat your hand and guide you…

So, a few thoughts from your special friend Sank, I’m not the brightest guy in the world but here’s what I see/think…

Bailouts I could make the argument that the scope of these bailouts is a big part of the problem, I could also argue that things would be alot worse if it hadn’t been for the bailouts. At the end of the day I’m not comfortable with the government stepping in and supporting failed businesses. Just as I’m not going to be in favor of the government bailing out my over-extended neighbor by forgiving their home loans. Then again. I don’t know that I want to live next door to a house that’s going to be empty for a year or more.

Here’s my bottom line on the automotive bailout… I find it appalling that it took until day three of these hearings for someone in Congress to ask the f#’n car execs for a business plan. If it were me, I’d say no bail until the following occurs 1) Top execs at all three companies are replaced. By who? Hell, bring in Honda execs, they seem to have had the foresight to have understood how to make a car that makes money instead of being $1400 in the hole the day they roll off the line. 2) The existing UAW contracts are null and void, to be renegotiated. This Ron Gettelfinger dude is claiming that the UAW’s has already given blood, it’s managements turn. He’s right about it being managements turn, but he’s wrong about concessions. This is an industry that’s sick, the patient has cancer, and has had a heart attack. We’re treating the heart attack to keep them alive, but there’s a bigger problem. A MUCH bigger problem and both parties in this case have to decide is getting laid off permanently at $23.00 an hour better than keeping a job at $15.00 or so? Man, we’re all taking hits these days.

Presidential Transition So far Obama has been judicious in his cabinet selection. No radicals, no socialists, looks like we got Hillary at State, I like that pick. We got Dashale at Health and Human.. good choice there. Eric Holder is a solid choice at AG. Only blemish on his record, that stupid Marc Rich pardon. Sounds like Robert Gates will stay on at Defense.. I like that play a lot. Seriously. The one thing I’m curious about is where the change might be. We’re bringing back a lot of Clintonista’s, but then again the Clinton administration wasn’t bad.. I do really like Rahm Emanuel, or as we liked to say in the days of West Wing- Josh Liman, who was modeled after Rammie.

World Events Imports into US ports are down 10% in September. Chinese factories are shutting down left and right, production is slowing down big time. This creates a big a problem in that country. China has modernized by embracing capitalism but not a level I think they understand. There’s pretty good evidence to indicate that they Chinese have been lying for years about the rate of growth. Chinese fiscal year ends in January and in 4 weeks they have their year recapped and reported on? It takes the best accounting firms in the United States 2 months to generate the same information about their clients. The Chinese have been manipulating their currently, moving peasants from the country to the cities. Building away, being the factory for most of the products sold in this country…

Now that the Chinese are facing an economy with an employment deficit they won’t know how to handle. What do you do with 6% unemployment in a country of 1.3 Billion? That would be 78 million people without jobs in a country with little or no safety net. 6% is probably seriously understated should the economy continue to be in recession. Demand for Chinese products in the United States continues to erode, the Chinese economy does so faster and harder. For the Communists this has to be a big concern. These are people who have been told where to work and what to do for generations. Now you’re going to have them on the streets? The media has already reported the first job riots in China. 65000 factories have shuttered in China this year. The good news, this is creative destruction that capitalism creates. This may, more than anything, bring about profound regime change to China. This is the cost of engaging in the global economy.

Now, China is in peril. India on the other hand… I’m thinking they’re going to come through this much easier. For one thing, the Indian economy is built on the basis of free markets. While there is corruption and government intervention, Indians have a history of business acumen in government missing in Communist China. India is enjoys a better model for self sufficiency than China. I sort of attribute that to India amazing spiritual traditions. People in India haven’t been existing on government directives their whole lives, they’ve been free to make their own choices (mostly), and they recognize that there is something bigger than themselves and generally aren’t out screw thy neighbor in the same way I see Chinese business. 

Markets Seems like heady times just a few months ago when we were all worried about inflation. Gas was $4.00 a gallon. Some dumbshit Russian oil guy was thinking $200 a barrel oil by this year.. The market was at 1400.. those were the days. And just like that the crash of crashes. The Market gives up 43% of its value YTD… This is ugly no question.. I happen to believe that were not quite done sinking yet. There still some carnage left in the market. Citigroup will go down and no question that’s to rattle us. We’re going to see some old names in manufacturing cease to exist. Retailers are going to seriously thin the herd. Real estate companies are going to consolidate… and then.. it’s going start getting better. I think you’re going to see manufacturing jobs coming back to the United States. Agribusiness will be strong, there’s going to be a seriously pent up demand for homes and properties when people start feeling better about their own jobs. I don’t think that’s going to happen for another year or more. Again, the destruction cycle of our economy can be brutal.

On a lighter note, this pirate thing in Somalia is most amusing to me. Here you a non-functioning country of entrepreneurs who have found a way to bring millions of dollars into their communities. And while we don’t like their objectives, you have to respect their methods. Personally, I think using some of their ill-gotten gains to hire caterers and support services for their hostages and captured ships makes you think they’re the new modern pirate, Robin Hoods, ripping the da man to pay the local poor. If we really wanted to stop this shit we’d follow the direction of the Russian defense minister and put together multi-task force and invade the pirate stronghold and wipe’m out on the ground. Kudo’s to the Indian navy for sinking the other ship earlier this week.

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Sunday Night Shorts

Short on time again tonight. There’s not a lot to report on from this weekend…

 

- Mrs Sank and the Male Offspring were off to Boy Scout Camp for the weekend. This is their annual Thanksgiving Day deal, turkey cooked outdoors, side dishes, it almost sounds fun. Almost. When I woke up this morning and saw a nice dusting of snow on the ground I couldn’t help but think.. better her than I.

- Junior Mrs S, my loving daughter, tried to pull one on me this morning, the little manipulator. She overheard me talking with another father about if there were “conferences” at Religious School or not this weekend. Yeah, you read it right, conferences.. one of the side effects of being Jewish is that we like to make our religious education as complicated is humanly possibly, including conferences. Between learning a new language and developing an appreciation for a religion no one else in the community understands. The chicks scam went something like this.. “Father, we have conferences today” (not true but educating the kids is not in my AOR) “And, since we have conferences there is no Sunday School today, I’m devastated”.  Well, she was also lying like a rug. She had me for a bit, I actually had to stop the car and run into the Synagogue and check out the story. Turns out.. I was able to deliver my first ethics lesson to her when I got back to the car, “Dear get your ASS out of the car and go get right with the Lord, don’t tell lies about Religious School.” And with that I dropped her of and headed off to J&S Coffee, only the finest coffee shop in the Twin Cities.

-  The Vikings had another miserable day. Tampon Bay was able to stop Peterson which leaves the offense… shall we say impotent. But as the fellow in the Tuxedo said after his vasectomy.. “If I’m gonna be impotent, I’m gonna look impotent” Thanks you very much.

- More signs of the big change.. saw my first snowplow today, they were out salting this morning at 7:30. I was out at 7:30 because I promised by oldest boy, the lad who was camping that would be at Target, at opening to stand in line to get his copy of Shaun White Snowboarding for the X-Box 360. He figured I needed to be there at the crack of dawn because there would very X-Geek in town would be out there looking for the game. Well, I was there, alone, in the electronics department, getting one of about 10 copies of the game, which, for my convenience were displayed on an endcap.

- Mark the calendar today, the pond out back froze last night, I’m guessing this is it for the winter.. The local ski hill opened on Thursday, the Jocks been all over it. There’s about one run open over there. His style of skiing is totally foreign to me, he’s a terrain park skier with special ski’s with tips on front and back so he can ski in reverse, or over boxes or rails or chunks of cement or what ever.

- Ate the second of the two pomegranates,  Eric over at Eric has Issues, today. They were the best damn pommes I think I’ve ever had, thanks E-man.

Until next time friends, 

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The Wii Knows

Even the Wii has no respect.

Last Sunday I found myself doing something I swore I’d never do. I was in line, at Best Buy, at 8:45 in the morning, waiting to get in to buy a Wii Fit. We had heard a hot tip that our local store was going to be in possession of a few fits on Sunday, to support their Sunday Ad. One of the things we did on our trip to St. Louie was play FIT at a cousins place. Not only fun, but it got the fat guy off the couch a bit as well.

So we did.

And I did.

And Best Buy was happy to report that they had received a massive shipment of 11 units.

Luckily there were exactly 11 people in line. We all got a little card and off we went. Wii FIT in hand.

In order to start playing the Wii you have to set up your profile. As a part of the profile process you have to weigh in on the “balance board”, tell the machine your height and age and the thing will calculate your “Wii Fit Age”. I’ve been telling my middle kid that he’s got to start spending some time outside and getting some exercise. He’s basically stopped playing sports and is now turning into a bit of a slug.

Vindication came when he signed up to play.

 

He stepped on, did the questions and the exercises and the machine came back with a Wii FIT age of …

35.

Dude, you’re 35 years old at 14.. not good.

The girl, who’s a toothpick to being with, stepped up, her Wii Age is 10. Perfect. Nate, the Jock.. Wii fit age is 13, 4 years younger than he actually is. Eat something dude.

I have to say, this is pretty fun. Mrs S took the challenge, her Wii Fit age is 32. Not bad for 45 year old lady. The dog’s age is 4, which you multiply by 7 to get to your dawg years. The tarantula came it a 3, the neighbors filed through.. all good.

And then the eerie silence. I realized that everyone was staring at me.

“Dude” exclaimed the wife, “your turn”.

I was pretty sure I had somewhere else to be, I just couldn’t remember what it was I had to do….

Having exhausted literally every person I could think of, it was, finally, my turn. Reluctantly I climbed up and went through the questions..

The machine thought, and thought, and finally issued it’s verdict.

SIT DOWN

Huh?

SIT DOWN and call 911..

 

Stupid machine.

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