Action Plans

I response to feedback from yesterday’s acidic post- thank you for the kind words Ray.

Ray BTW has the distinction of being one of the few people from High School whom I have any contact with. Thank you Facebook.

I’ve formulating plans you know. One of my last titles at the Red Dot Boutique had Strategic Planning in it. So, I’m certified strategic. That means I can contrive plans.

Real good ones too.

Sometimes.

I got me a plan to deal with this liquor law, blue law, dipshit fiasco we got up here in the so called peoples republic of Minnesota.

I’m thinking boycott. Worked for Caesar Chavez it can work for us good hearted folks who, with all deference to Senator Rod Skoe don’t think we should have to “plan a head” when we want to buy a beer on Sunday just so he can get paid by the liquor store owners and the Teamsters.

Here’s what we’re going to do- From now on I’m only buying liquor from the big chains in town- Haskels, MGM, Byerlys, Trader Joes, or Cub Foods. No more shopping at the mom and pop stores. This is 180 degree reversal of my usual approach to business where I like to shop at the local guys.. in this case forget it. They can get on the program or get left behind.

Actually, I think I’ll reach out to the buy booze on Sunday lobby, they have a website, lets see if they’re interested in creating a list of liquor store owners who support Sunday sales. We can publicize the list get a viral thing going. I know we like beer, that’s just a proven fact. Let leverage that luv for suds and getter’ done.

 

Phew- got that off my chest.

As long as I’m in strategizing mode, here’s another thing that’s got me fired up this morning. I’m a liberal and as such I’d like to see more regulation and government controls on stuff. I get a headache when I’m presented to with too many choices. One thing that seems to have been left off the regulatory list is labeling. Specifically the labeling of men’s underwear. This issue is a real problem as any guy who gets up before dawn and slides into fresh skivvies like I do every Monday morning. There’s no standard practice on where to label underwear. Some manufacturers put the label on the front of the waistband, most put it on the back. I’d like to see some sort of standard regulation that would mandate that every pair of undies sold in the US HAS to put their label in the same place. There’s nothing worse than going around all day in backwards panties because some smart ass metro designer at Hanes deiced that for “this” design of underwear she’s going to put the name name on the front. Now I’ve been told to write my name backwards on the front of my underwear in case I get confused and need to go to a mirror and remember who I am, but that’s different issue.

I hate when I get to the office and realized I’m feeling a bit out of sorts, like someth’n ain’t right and then I go to men’s room and boom- I realize the problem.

So underwear makers, I don’t care where you put the label, just pick one and stick to it. I’d suggest the front personally because I don’t think there’s enough room on the back string of my leopard spotted mansilks to support a label. But that’s just me.

I think the problem is this. In my experience clothing, and underoos fall into that category, are by and large designed by women. I don’t know a whole lot about women’s underwear, I mean I’ve done a shitload of superficial research, but actual hands on investigations, um.. none. I don’t think it matters on their skivvies which side is up. I know when it comes to garterbelts the “rose goes in the front’. Learned that little nugget from watching Bull Durham twice a year, but panties? They look the same to me front or back.

So here’s what we’re going to do, men, until this underwear fiasco gets solved lets just stop wearing underwear all together. We can become a Commando Nation, dedicated to the reform and regulation of the most import and intimate piece of clothing a man can wear. When our wives catch wind of this I predict they’ll be so disgusted by the thought of sitting next to their “facts free” husbands at the movie theatres that they’ll activate the SFNS (Secret Female Networking Service) that they use for urgent gender communication and word will get back to the designers and Hanes Central in hours, and fellows our problem will be solved.

BTW, if you fellows doubt the existence of the SFNS than explain to me why when you tell woman something, literally every other one you meet already knows all about it. Oddly enough the network breaks down when it comes to female related topics.

And as long as we’re solving stuff I have a solution for the Donald Sterling deal. First he’s up there with Bernie Madoff on the list of reasons we Jews need a good excommunication process. One that applies to all forms of Jewishness including the ability to visit a deli or eat a bagel. First of all I don’t really get this moron. He’s a really nice example of the axiom that says “if you’re in a hole, stop digging.” Of course the hole he’s in is so deep he’s come out on the other side of the planet and now probably doesn’t get what all the fuss is about.

Anyway, Old Don is about the sue the NBA to keep his team. I have an idea here that I think would bring satisfaction and really cool sense of justice. Let Don keep the team, and let the players out of their contracts. If they want to stay with the Clippers, go for it, not…

NBA Players Association boycott of the Clippers. Don get’s to keep his franchise, which goes bankrupt in now time. Everyone’s a winner.

 

When I have some more good ideas I’ll let you know.

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under Life

2 responses to “Action Plans

  1. Tim

    I like the idea of supporting the independent stores who support the law change. Otherwise, yeah, I think I may be going to the chains from now on, even if it means driving a ways further (I live in Eagan, where we don’t have municipal liquor stores or much in the way of siting restrictions like Burnsville does, so that means I have four independent liquor stores within a five-minute drive).

    It’s similar to what I decided to do when Eagan relaxed its ordinance on how late liquor stores could be open a couple of years ago — I only go to the ones that are open until ten on weekdays, even if I’m going much earlier than the day. Most of the stores wanted it, but a handful didn’t.

  2. Gary, now there is quite a picture. You in leopard spotted mansilks. Real men wear plaid, stripes or, as you described above, nothing at all. Good luck with the liquor battle.

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