Snarking on Sound of Music

Another holiday milestone passed. 

We watched the Sound of Music. Some of it anyway. 

Not sure why I suffered myself to watching that POS, there’s just sooo many things totally wrong with it. 

To begin with it’s 12 hours long, or so it feels. M rs S remarked that until she was an adult she thought the movie ended at the wedding scene. Apparently thats when the her parents would turn it off and send the kids to bed. 

Sensible, except you miss the scenes where the family escapes the Nazis and sing their way across the Alps to Switzerland. Which I believe, unless I missed something, is the point of the story. 

While we were at why is this a holiday movie? It’s always on during the holidays. There’s nary a snowflake, Christmas tree, baby Jesus or drunk uncle in it.. Why?

The story it turns out, is true. Not that it makes it right. This is, in essence, the story of a old letch of a dude hitting on his au pair who happens to be half his age. In the real story, Maria was 22 and the Captain was 47. Feels more like a reality show from LA or New York if you ask me. 

And what about the Captain? An Austrian navel officer. Last I checked Austria was a land-locked country. Where’d he keep his ship? Reality is even better, Captain Schtubing von Trapp, or rather Baron Von Trapp, or what ever his name was, was a U-Boat commander in the first world war serving in the Austro-Hungarian Navy. I know, Hungary is land locked too, so what gives. Well turns out one time they had access to the Adriatic though Croatia or Dalmatia or something damned thing like that and that’s how the good Baron was able to sink 11 allied ships. Nice. 

After the war, Austria lost it’s coast and the good Captain remained unemployed for the rest of his life. Which is why he married an English heiress with a banking fortune to her name. 

7 kids later she dies, the old Barron goes shopping at the local convent for an au pair, starts hitting on her and we get a musical score and 12 hour movie where Julie Andrews  sings her ass off. 

I actually like the tunes in that show, I just can’t stand the little kids in laderhosen traipsing around the Austrian country side doing their version of formation singing. A little too much joy for me, I’d rather watch Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase. 

Good news is I was asked to leave the viewing room after a serious of hilarious and somewhat nonstop snarky one liners which made the whole evening seem more like a scene from Mystery Science Theatre. The straw that broke the camels back was a particularly brilliant comment during the So Long Farewell number. In case you forgot that’s the one where the kids are going to bed after the big party and since no one in pre-Anschluss Salzburg can take crap without singing about it, they do a little song and dance routine on the stairs. Fritzie does his little solo in a male soprano voice or as I said, “the family castrato”. 

This is same scene BTW where the Captain puts the move on Maria in the garden, only to be busted by the old lady who had been hitting on him all movie long. Since she was like 45, the Captain shows no interest in her, rather hit on the 22 year old help. 

Which turns out in the end, she winds up being a beard for Max, the family agent who helps the gang leave during the big climactic folk festival for the SS scene. Max was a nice portrayal of a successful Gay man in prewar Europe. 

I’m glad that Holiday chore is done, and I can get back to complaining. 

 

2 Comments

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2 responses to “Snarking on Sound of Music

  1. fracme

    I am tempted to say something along the lines of ‘you’re a mean one, Mr Grinch’….

    Anyway, if I now had the chance (aged 43) to form a meaningful relationship with a young Julie Andrews, and (of course) I was recently widowed… I think I might follow the desires of my, ahem, heart….

    Oh, and it’s seasonal because most of the scenery looks like the picture off a chocolate box, or a Christmas card, or something like that. There’s snow, and stuff…..

  2. I know where you’re coming from. I had the same reaction to gangs of thugs singing and dancing in “West Side Story.” At least “Sound of Music” has good songs. As for 12-hour-long movies, which apparently are all the rage these days, producers and theaters seem to have forgotten a little thing called “intermission,” wherein the movie was stopped in the middle so geezers could go pee and everyone else could buy more refreshments. I don’t know why they don’t reinstitute intermissions, since concession sales are where they make all their money.

    (BTW, I seem to recall wanting my wedding dress to be just like the one in the movie. Yeah, right.)

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