Blizzard? Bah.

Live from the heart of the beast. 

There’s nothing like good old fashioned mountain blizzard to bring the family close. According to the weather reports between now and Sunday night we’re supposed to get up 60 inches of snow here. That’s 5 feet according to my metrics. According to Mrs S’s metrics it’s a “shitload”. I don’t know how much a load of shit is, but I’m pretty sure we’re in that neighborhood. 

We are all enjoying the fire here at the Condo. We have enough food here to feed 12 people for three days. Since 7 of the 12 probably won’t make it here on schedule,  I don’t think we’re going to have to resort to a Donner Party party. The Donner Party monument isn’t too far from here, just in case youths need reminding. Of course I’m at the stage in life when I can better serve the group as a meal choice instead of as a inspired leader. 

But the weather isn’t without it’s effects, the most troubling at this point; we’ve run out of the black Nesspresso cups. The black ones rate “10” on the “intensity” scale. There are about 20 colors of cups for the Nespresso. As a colorblind guy I can’t figure out which one is which, the chart that shows the colors and flavors, but there’s like 50 shades of grey there. 

The snow has really been coming down, but you know, we’re from Minnesota, you know what we call weather like this in Minnesota? We call it Saturday. So lets get moving people. 

Interesting to see the Californians on the roads, their winter driving skills, in a word, “suck”. Funny thing as we were heading out in a snowfall that I would estimate at 6 inches an hour, I was once one of them, nervous about driving in snow, little heart jumps every time the car slid a little bit. Now I find myself cursing at people going 5mph on a flat road, move your ass folks. Put the car in low gear and get a move on. It’s just freak’n snow. 

Personal favorite the Lexus with the yuppie looking family stopped in the middle of the road, I could see his white knuckles from a mile back. Stopped. Dead. Indecision and fear gripped him as waited for gawd knows what. After a nanosecond I blew by him on the right, I could hear him cursing at me as he his windshield got covered in a wake of snow. 

Mrs S had sent us out to select a tree for the Brother in Laws place. The BIL isn’t here yet. We were making a unilateral decision for a person who likes to be in on decisions. I think we’re making a mistake. My oldest son also felt like were making a mistake, but he made the mistake of telling my wife his thoughts on the matter and in this case, two mistakes make a bigger mistake, rather than a right that some logic schools would indicate. Actually it was my wife and her mother who he was up against, tag team from Planet Estorgen. In the world of high-density family living the worst thing you can tout around is an opinion. As the sage once said, they’re like assholes, everyone has one. 

Being a good parent I offered the lad some coaching “Dude, this time of year, when your mother asks you to do something you should just do it.” Mrs S nodding with approval, “no matter how illogical is sounds.” Smile to a frown as the subject of her gaze switched back to me. “What did you say?” I ignored her. “She has a plan in mind and it’s best if we all just do what she says and not offer opinions or dissenting views, she’s not going to be in the mood to hear them. Best just to shut up for the week even if it you wind up doing things that make no sense.” 

At that point she looked over, raised a hand, with her index finger extended like she had something to say, lips parted almost made a comment and then.. walked away. This was not lost on the son, “saw what you did there Dad”. Yes kids, look and learn, I’ve got 10,000 hours of registered husbanding on the books. By every measure that makes me an expert. 

At the tree lot we had several lumps of snow to pick from. I’m no expert in selecting Christmas trees but the boys have worked many many seasons at the Boy Scout Tree lot and were able to find the right pile of snow with a tree under it. 

Selections made we went back to the house. In the 45 minutes we were out selecting trees and hitting the grocery store for some last minute items, about 9 inches of snow fell. I like snow but there’s no getting around that fact that the white stuff makes a lot of things a serious pain in the ass, like unloading cars and trying to keep the insides of homes nice. 

But once again, a Minnesotan approach to winter guided us through and in the end we looked blizzard in the face and said “irrelevant”.