Where has the intellect gone? Mayans, Homeopathy, Horoscopes and Witchcraft.

If you’ve seen the weather reports you know what’s coming on Friday, highs in the low 1000’s with scattered massive solar flares and meteor showers. Complete shutdown of all electromagnetic activities. You know what that means, sit down dudes, no access to bigins.com, maybe forever.

*sniff*

But seriously, it’s times like this when I can’t help but wonder why it’s OK for us, and I mean us Americans, to abdicate reason and common sense. When did we stop teaching science in school? And how did so many of us absolutely lose our minds.

Really. Mayan Apocalypse?

Applying Occams Razor, my favorite explanation for everything, when presented with a theory that the Mayan calendar ends on Friday, the first theory we could come up with is some bullshit about cosmic black hole energy and solar lunar alignment blah blah blah. Over on December212012.com, the “official” site for information about the end of the world (BTW did they pay for the domain name past December? Just say’n) they claim that energy from the black hole at the center of the universe will be aligned with the sun and the moon and “no one knows what the result will be”. That’s the simple answer?

I do know what’s going to happen- I can say it with confidence.

Not

one

damned

thing.

Using Occums Razor I would not have jumped to celestial apocalypse? What about “got so far out I was tired of calculating?” or “ran out of good carving rocks?” Or “my civilization collapsed because we chopped down and burned every tree in sight making lime for our pyramids?” Seems reasonable.

Space death? Not so much.

Hypothetically, assuming that some energy force was unleashed on Friday, since it’s coming from the center of the Milky Way, it would take about 23,000 years to get here. Personally I’ve got other things more pressing to worry about.

And for those of you who are worried about Friday, I do get to call you dumb. Sorry,

stupid |ˈst(y)o͞opid| adjective

lacking intelligence or common sense.

You buy into Mayan apocolypse, you meet the above definition. BTW the Mayans, you know what the 800,000 or so living Mayan’s are doing about this mess. As they say “nada’. Crazy gringos, as I’m sure they’re saying.

This collective abdication of common sense and science is a national epidemic.

On the way into the office the other day I got to overhear a deeply intellectual discussion between a couple of serious genii. The topic of discussion; horoscopes, real or witchcraft?

I about fell over. My mother used to be a big fan of horoscopes. This idea that chunks of rock millions of miles in space are influencing our daily lives… See above. Or better yet, witchcraft? Someone is casting spells on you? You personally? Sad day.

Last week, while suffering a bubonic plauge-like cold, ok so I’m a little melodramatic, I found myself in my local Co-Op buying some all natural mouthwash for one of my family members. Toms of Maine. Great natural products done right, meaning with fluoride because fluoride does not lead to mind control. At least not if you wear an aluminum foil lined ball cap when you use it.

I digress.

Whilst there I inquired of the nice Birkenstock wearing lady with long grey braids and essesnce du natural which to me indicated that not all natural products work well, I asked her if she might be able to point me too some aspirin, and perhaps a cold remedy that works.

She was delighted to take me over to the homeopathic pharmacy and showed me a bottle of homeopathic aspirin solution equivalent. I was not impressed and mentioned to her that if I’m paying $11.00 bucks for aspirin I’d like the stuff I buy to actually have aspirin in it, not the electromagnetic equivalent of the substance, diluted down to a molecule. She started to explain that homeopathy is a medical science that works with the body to bring about symptoms of aliments we have which will then cure shit.

And, “in Europe 50% of the doctors prescribe homeopathic remedies to their patients.”

I was totally offended and kinda told her so.

You can’t use “homeopathic’ and “science” in the same sentence, that’s an oxymoron. When you do so you look like a moron. And lady, because I read an have a smidgeon of intellect I’m happy to report that in Europe, homeopathy is considered quackery. It’s not prescribed there because every health system in Europe as discredited it. The total of scientific studies which have demonstrated that taking a solution that contains nothing of the original substance is in fact, as they say in Europe; ZED.

She was not amused.

I went on. The idea that the less you can get of substance the more potent it is, is even more stupido. Makes no sense. Now if it were true, I think the first thing we’d see at the homeopathic shoppe would be homeo-caine, homeopathic blunts and all natural organic essence of heroin. But we don’t or do we?

Frankly folks it just might be time for all of us to pick out nice easy to pronounce Chinese names so when our new overlords take over this country we will already be accustomed to answering to them. ‘Cause without science and math, we’re all a bunch of morons.

Thanks for listening.