Chest Clearing Morning
I’m not very good at tech support, so why do find myself doing it all the time?
Warning- rant on the way.
To Tim Cook, CEO at Apple and Proud Auburn Graduate.
Congrats on the new iTunes Tim, it’s real neat and after I spend my entire Saturday relearning iTunes I’m sure I’ll like it as much as the fan sites say I will.
Tim, I know you’ve been busy lately, taking a lot of heat about maps and directions and trying to get out of the shadows of your old boss and all but I need some help. When the gang over on Infinity Loop in Cupertino decide to introduce change into your core applications, do you have a focus group for these changes? Do you have one that includes middle aged technologically and change adverse housewives or do you just stick to black turtlenecked old dudes like me and some young Apple Fans? I ask because with your latest change to iTunes life around my house is going to suck for a while.
I don’t know if you realize this but women in this focus group tend to look for tech support locally, like within 15’ of themselves. Oh, in a pinch they might call people, people who are are already in their iPhones. Since my middle son, the one who used to provide my wife with her all her tech support has moved to Alabama to attend YOUR alma matter I wonder if you wouldn’t mind doing me solid as a member of the the Auburn Family, after all as they say on every letter asking me for money; the Auburn family is “All In”.
I guess what I’m asking Tim is could you please send me your personal cell phone number? When these changes are introduced and my wife gets frustrated with your products, I think she starts to confuse the two of us as I find myself getting held accountable for things your company is doing.
If you can get me out of being the middle man between my wife and Apple I’d be most grateful.
Eagerly awaiting your response,
And as long as we’re on the subject of Tech Support-
To: Charter Communications Product Innovation Team
Thank you for being as understanding as you were about my cable issues and helping to understand what I was getting for my $8700 a month cable/phone/internet and puppy bill. I think we have come to a much more reasonable monthly bill, I appreciate it. (Seriously, phone support is great, social media team is great, online chat support, seems to be staffed by monkeys on typewriters in Khadahar. Nothing but lousy interaction with them)
Ma’am, I will not be stopping by the office to pick up another cable box for my basement TV. To be clear, even it were free I wouldn’t stop by to get one, much less pay $5.00 a month for it. I do understand that my service will be limited to just 30-40 channels on my second TV without a box. I would suggest that 30 channels is 15 more than I need down there, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’m not sure you understand the constraints we have in our home which keep us from realizing the full majesty of digital entertainment. It boils down to one pinch-point in the TV viewing experience, that pinch point- the remote.
I would like to comment and offer a suggestion.
We are basically a one TV family. We have a list of programs we like to watch, we regularly view about 15 or so channels. Seriously, that BYU channel, am I paying for that ‘cause I’ve never watched a minute of it.
Where we have a problem, and this could be us, could be user error, is that we do not seem to be able to figure out the proper sequence of buttons to push which enable the remote to operate our devices. We push things and we get unexpected results.
When this happens to me, I feel frustration in my heart, but being a man I keep pressing away and eventually everything comes on, except the sound for some reason, but I start over and finally get to where I need to be. To be honest I’m not sure that someone with a sense of humor over in your office isn’t mixing up the sequence every few days just to be funny. Or maybe my remote has some sort of randomizer chip to mix it up. Who knows?
When this happens to my wife on the other hand, she also get frustration in her heart. However, when she gets frustration in her heart, well that’s when things like the remote, my camera, her drink glass, my dog can wind up imbedded in my walls. And if this happens during the day, oo boy. Lets just say I know when there are AV issues at home because I’ll find 26 missed calls from my wife in 11 minutes.
My wife has very eloquently summed up our issues with the remote on numerous occasions with the statement, and let me make sure I say this right um… it goes like this
“THIS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HARD”.
And like always, she’s right. Does this have to be so fucking hard?
It’s very embarrassing to be seen in business meetings whispering into the phone, “push the aux button, then power, then the cable button and then power again. No don’t push the white power button, push the red one. yeah since some things are on and some are off you have… ooo I hafta go, I’ll call you later”. And you know what, I’m don’t really want to call her later because I’m scared shitless of her when she gets that angry. Is there really no way to create a simple remote that operates everything, I think it would improve your market share dramatically if you could advertise yourself as being the one service in America where the remote has only one button. Every wife in America would sign up and every husband would rejoice.
PS- when you figured out how to put a “back 30sec” button on the remote did it not occur to anyone to put a “forward 30 seconds” button on it as well, cause when I’m watching a show on the DVR, that would sure be handy.