College Freshmen Fun

Dorm Moving Day.

Team Sank-a-Ray on a road trip. We ain’t bad it to be honest. Destination, Ala-ba-mia.

We loaded down Mrs S’s 1996 Toyota Camry with the five of us, Sank, Mrs S, Heir, Red and Girl. In the trunk went a one suitcase, albeit one that you could have put a corpse in, a laundry tub, 4 overnight bags, a back pack, a CPAP machine and 3 laptops, 3 cameras, 3 tablets, 6 iPods and the unabridged version of “Bounce- how success happens”.

Bowling ball and dog would have stay home this time around.

Departure from Apple Valley was scheduled for 0530. Actual departure was 0630 because I refuse to factor in makeup time.. seriously some unnamed family members have been getting ready for shit for nigh on 50 years and you’d think they could get the process down to something less than 45 minutes. And hair time for the girl. Which includes 20 minutes of straightening time, yes she straightens her hair. This completely befuddles me; she has to be the ONLY Korean on the planet who feels the need to straighten what is essentially perfectly straight hair.

But 0630 is better than 0730, the time the boys figured we leave so I’ll take it.

As we backed out of the driveway we bottomed out on the curve, foreshadow of the ride ahead.

Saturday morning was Auburn Freshmen Move-In Day. This is our second college kid, we know about move in. You get in line, drive across a sidewalk to the proper dorm, open the hatch and move your stuff inside. Easy Sneazy.

The line on Saturday morning in Auburn Ala-ba-mia started where the interstate exited into town, a distance of about 7 miles. It wasn’t a solid line mind you, but let’s just say the traffic pattern was all headed to one place, the Dormitories at Auburn University.

Which are quite lovely BTW, they were exactly what I expected them to be, fantastic brick buildings with white pillars in the shadow of football stadium that dwarfed many NFL stadia. I could just image Neidermeyer sitting on the porch with a cig in a holder saying “What did he say?”

The cars in line, lots of massive SUV’s, some pulling U-Haul trailers behind them. “You know” Mrs S remarked at one particularly large truck and trailer, “there’s only one girl in there.”

I know. Remember that from Michigan Tech’s move in weekend. One girl can bring up to 1100lbs of assorted shit to college, and that’s on the first trip. I pride myself that our family is able to get a years worth of crap into a trunk and still have room for a CPAP and 5 overnight bags.

We waited patiently in line making our way forward to the lady in charge, she had on Parking Lot Power Vest, which is basically any dayglow yellow or orange vest. Don one those and stand in any parking in country can you can get people to do anything you want, regardless if you actually belong there or not. Put a wad of cash in your hand and stand at an entrance to the grocery store and be amazed at how many people will give you $10.00 with asking “who the hell are you and when did they start charging to park at Piggly Wiggly?” Don’t ask me how I know this.

Our turn. I opened the window and spoke to my first Alabamian. “Hi” I didn’t know the local word for hello, in California it’s “hey” but I don’t think that works here. She replied in perfect English with a delightful twist “Hey there, what hall y’all head’n too?” “Lufton” I responded. You know how in Church, and I haven’t exactly spent much time in a Church, there’s that part where the Priest or Pastor, and I get confused on what’s what there, says something on cue and the entire congregation responds in unison. Except the Jewish guy who jumps a bit because he wasn’t expecting it.. that’s kinda what happened in the car. “Lufton” to which Mrs S, Heir, Red and Girl screamed “LUP-Ton.” And the woman, who acted like she couldn’t understand me because I used the soft P which is an F in Wisconsin, where beer influences speech sometimes, responded with “Ohhh Y’all are goin’ to LuPton hall, great welcome to Auburn, jus’follow that guy up there, he’ll show you the way.”

That guy BTW, if he wasn’t a lineman on the football team I’d be shocked. “Right HERE, an ya’ll have 10 minutes to unload and go park ya’alls car.”

Yes Sir.

We parked next to several piles of crap, piles that by my estimation were about 2 inches taller and 5 inches wider than any dorm room I’d ever seen. And each pile was being guarded by a Mother and Daughter team.

We, had nothing. One trip out of the trunk and one of us didn’t even have to carry a thing.

The kids will be living in a suite, to lads one room, two lads in an another room and a bathroom and shower between them. Note to self, I I have to use the can do it now ‘cause by about 3:15 I ain’t no body but these kids are going to want to use it until the University Hazmat Tam comes in April to decontaminate the place. The shower had no curtain, something Mrs S picked up on right away. The oldest kid picked up the potty which by his estimation would open a sinkhole. I think you could flush a corgi down it. I’m sure it’s designed to handle beer cans and Chic-Fil-A.

Off to Target.

We more than made up for our having light load at the Target. $375 and two carts full of stuff. Fridge, towels, matching comforter, shower curatin. Mrs S bought a shower curtain. Mistake in my mind.
“three other mothers have looked in that bathroom, I guarantee there’s going to be several of those things.”

Fridge.

The fun I was having at the expense of folks trying get 10 cubic feet of shit into a 6 cubic foot dorm room was quickly compromised when Mrs S told me put the fridge in the Camry. Apparently she would like for me to “just go with the flow” and not respond to simple requests with an f-word sandwich, “no” and “way” being the bookends in that deal. We got the thing into the front seat of the car, “so who am I going to leave here?” No one. 4 in the back seat. Thought we were bottoming out before, we left a trail of sparks from Opilaka to Auburn. And when we got back to the room, I took the shower curtain into the bathroom where I found, sitting on the sink, three other shower curtains.

A man doesn’t get the opportunity to say “told ya so” too often.

And having as much experience with marriage as I do, well… some victories are best enjoyed vicariously.