People Suck

People Suck- I say that all the time, and once in a while I start to think other wise and then I’m once again proved wrong.

So to the 20something broad with the pretty nails and perfect hair who I crossed paths with at the grocery store this morning. I sincerely hope you are one day abducted by human colon obsessed aliens and that they probe you all the way from your salon bleached anus to your chardonnay soaked tonsils.

Twice.

And that it makes Youtube.

Whew, I just had to get that out. Of course for her benefit I condensed it down to “shut the f#ck up”. Slipped out right there in the parking lot.

Here’s the story-

Settle in folks, it’s a good one.

Let me set this up with I’m crabby, crabbier than usual. Like super crabby because my left nostril has been draining gunk for 7 weeks and I had to get up early this morning to make it to the grocery store, my printer is out of ink so my list was handwritten and I we were out of coffee and I couldn’t find my grocery bags..

My grocery bags. I sure liked it better when the store gave you neat paper bags to take home. But I’m a man so I can change, if I have too, amen. I filled 6 of my 9 bags today, which left 3, do the math, unused. These, placed on top of my cart and after paying headed out of the store an off to the car.

BTW, I try to make sure that when I go to the store, I have only bags from other stores in my possession. My little passive aggressive way of showing my displeasure.

So out I come. On hitting the parking lot I got hit with a serious cross wind, we’re supposed to have a storm come through this afternoon. The wind grabbed the three bags off the cart and just like that they were heading north. With some haste mind you.

Contemplation time. Do I run after the things or do I just let them go. Fair question given how fast they were going, how out of shape I am and what I would do with a cart full of groceries while I ran Cedar Ave. after my stupid .99cent bags. And then, hope. The bags were blowing right into another customer who was coming into the store. The customer, yup the twenty something chic. “Hey lil help” I yelled. She looked at me, looked at the bag and proceeded to get out of the way.

And off they went. I stopped, did my very best aghast look, the one that says “what the hell”. Her response, a simple sneer. “Thanks” I said. “Whatever” her response. Followed by a “whats your problem” and a “not my fault they blew away.”

Fantastic. Now I know why tigers kill their young.