The Downside of Working Out, the Locker Room

After one trip to the YMCA to swim in the lap pool, I might be done.

Aside from the fact that it’s a lot of work… and that I don’t feel as confident in a swim suit as I once did, and that they don’t make great workout swimsuits for old fat guys. The one I bought, one that I thought was a good one based on the facts that A) it was in the “sports” section at my local discounter and B) was made of high tech fabric that was supposed to dry instantly, turned out to not work so well. The waist string wasn’t actually inside the waistband, it was treaded through the front, more as a fashion statement than and actual functional waistband.

This, I didn’t realize until I put the thing on and I knew right than there.. I’d be walking into the pool and not diving. Good plan. For EVERYONE, including the Japanese whalers who were following behind me in a boat. “For research purposes only of course.”

Last time I went to the gym I don’t think I had made the transition to being 100% dependent on glasses. Hence the issue when, after my laps, I came back to the locker room and realized that the Schilling Lock Company did not consider my demographic when they designed their locks.

Couldn’t see the numbers on the dial to unlock the thing.

Not a situation you want to discover when your soaking wet, half neeked in a room full of creep nude old guys who are way too comfortable with themselves.

Socrates’s guiding principal was “Know Thyself”. This great advice has held up for over 2500 years.

I know, when it comes to public locker rooms I know myself I assure. I know that I am 1) obese 2) sagging in places that I never knew could sag 3) have sprouted hair where in my youth there was none. Every day it seems my DNA gives up a few evolutionary advances the species has made over the years and is moving me ever so closer to my simian ancestors.

One other thing of note, I don’t know what it is about old fat guys that makes them feel compelled to walk around locker rooms buck naked with a towel around their necks instead of their waists.

As my vision came into focus I found my looking right into the back of a 70 something dude, wrinkled and sagging, towel around his neck, using the hair dryer attached to the wall to dry his hair. All I could think, “Sank, you’re looking into the looking glass, face your future.” I’m just around the corner from that guy. However, I assure that I would have had the towel around my waist. And be fully dressed as I was drying my hair.

I, of course looked away. Standing there, dripping wet, suit still on, making a massive puddle on the carpet, messing with the combo lock.  I was actually getting a nasty look from one of the other old guys who complained that I should dry off before stepping on the carpet. “Can’t towel’s in the locker.” “Leave the suit over there.”

Yeah. No.

I made the mistake of glancing over to the guy at the hair dryer. As I watched in horror, he used the hand held dyer, the one that’s there for public use. Well lets say his the hair on his head was dry, he was now drying other places. And the towel was still around his neck.

As the man in the Windows Phone ad says when the dude dropped the phone into the urinal and then reached down to get it, “Really?”

“dude, REALLY?” I was appalled.

But being me “You know, you don’t actually ‘blow’ on it, that’s a figure of speech.”

“Dude, there’s an “L” in public. It’s for PUBLIC use not.. never mind”.

Good thing for once I didn’t think out loud. I did make a mental note, dry off at home from now on.